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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Play a Victim - Stay a Victim


Victim is a term that seems to be used a lot these days and in my observation too freely.  Listen to the news and there doesn’t seem to be a class, race, sex or orientation that isn’t a victim

Granted there are experiences that people have that truly warrant the term. However, I bulk at the free use and ownership that some people cling to. They wear it like a badge.


Look at me. I’m a victim.

Feel sorry for me. I’m a victim.

Take care of me. I’m a victim.

Society owes me. I’m a victim.


When does this type of person stop becoming a victim?

They stop when they decide to take back their power and announce that their past, situation or experiences will no longer control or define who they are. That is when they take responsibility for how they feel. They forgive and move on. They no longer let an event, person or situation, past or present, control how they feel. That’s true power.

This scares a lot of people, to actually have the strength to let go and stand in total control of their emotions, to forget the past and move one.

You see, it’s much easier to stay in victimhood. It’s much easier to blame others for the results they’re experiencing instead of taking control. In fact, so much so, that all blame for a person’s failures is blamed on government, society, economy or other people, anything else but themselves.

What’s more irritating is when events never actually occurred for a person and yet they use it as a reason for them to be a victim too. What sense does that make?

Victimhood is a state of mind. You can let it define you or chalk it up to an isolated incident and move on. Take ownership of how you feel. Take a stand for integrity and when something bad happens have the wherewithal to realize it’s not you, it’s them.  

Monday, December 29, 2014

Let’s Dance


In relationships if a person gives 50% of themselves and then the other person gives 50%, what are you getting, Fifty percent? People think that if they give 50% and then the other person gives 50% they'll end up with 100%, but it doesn't work that way. You get what you give. What if you gave 100% of yourself and the other person gave 100%? Imagine the possibilities of a relationship working at 100%. Look at how much more you're getting. One hundred percent commitment to making it whatever you want to make it. Are you giving all of yourself or are you holding back. If you are holding back, what makes you hold back? Fear of being hurt, betrayed, used, or a lack of trust. What is it about the other person or relationship you can't count on?

A relationship is a dance. One leads and one follows and then the roles switch. The leader needs to look out for the other person, to direct them in such a way so no one is stepping on the other person's toes. On the other hand, the follower needs to trust that the leader is going to look out for them both, notice I said both, and guide them through the blind spots. When they are in sync even the slightest movement by the leader and the follower is right there. It is a dance. Are you in sync and if not, what can you do to make it so?

Monday, December 22, 2014

Let it Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow


"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit." - Emmanuel Teney

When you’re in your zone everything just flows effortlessly. What does it mean to be in the zone? It means that your talents, strengths and passion are perfectly aligned. You are in a situation or event that is utilizing every aspect of what you do best. You may look back at the event and say to yourself that it went by so fast but that it was actually quite easy. Why, because it was easy for you? You were in your zone. Every aspect that was needed from mental, physical and emotional challenges was met. It was a breeze. That is being in the zone. That is letting go and letting your true nature take over. By having faith and going with the flow of who you are in that moment great things can happen.

So let it flow. Have faith, let go and let the good times roll.

Monday, December 15, 2014

It is What it is


No emotion, just an event which is neutral. You bring the meaning to it. What that means is that the event doesn't care if you are happy, sad, angry, upset, content, or dissatisfied. It is what it is, an event. Whatever else that is brought to it, like the meaning and emotion, is what you brought to it. Take for example three people getting cut off in traffic by the same driver. Driver one is furious that such an idiot was given a license and lets him know it by shouting back and giving a few hand gestures. Driver two experiences the same thing and is upset because it almost caused an accident. He says to himself that that driver was rude and a danger to others. Driver three says to herself, "He must be in hurry to get somewhere." and shrugs it off that that is how some people are. They don't care about anyone else but themselves, same event but different reactions.

What makes one person upset while another person just shrugs it off. Mmm. It is what you make of it. The event only becomes an emotional outburst if you let it become one. NO ONE causes YOU to become angry or upset but yourself. If you do get upset, it is usually something else within you that is causing it to become something more than it is. When you do find yourself in a situation that is upsetting for you, check in with yourself, and ask yourself what is really going on here. Take out what you're feeling at the moment and form an objective view. Ask yourself, "What is the event here” because everything else after that is what you brought to it.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Don’t be Pigeon Holed


When I was a young girl I remember reading about communism and how at a very young age the children would be assessed to determine what field of study or sports they would be required to pursue.

I thought this was a pretty cool idea in that the government would help the people determine what they were naturally good at so that they could focus all their attention on it from then on.  There was no need to learn science if your natural talent was gymnastics and vice versa.

There it was, your whole life laid out for you and all you had to do was follow the plan. It sounded sweet to me because I really didn’t know what I wanted to do and also I didn’t want to take certain courses, who am I kidding, most of the required courses in school.  It sounds all and good except now that I’m older and wiser I have come to realize that there is much more to a person than just what they’re good at.

There are many things I’m good at but it doesn’t mean I want to focus on just that for the rest of my life. Some time what you’re good at is better suited to be your foundation building block or it could be the one thing that makes you stand out. Who knows?

When the communists focused on just the attributes of a person they completely neglected the drive interest and ambition of the person and to me those are the driving forces that make a person go from pretty good to great. They basically treated their citizens like machines. This part fits this machine and this part fits a different machine. It’s more efficient for our society so that’s what we’ll do. They bypassed the human aspect that makes our race evolve, the part that lets our creative forces expand.  I’m concerned because that’s basically the final outcome the proponents of Common Core wish to stress

I offer a better system which in cooperates both. Hence the person controls their own destiny by aligning their attributes with their heart’s desire (drive/ambition), the person gets to evolve and in the end they find the happiness they truly seek.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Be Careful – You Might Make the Wrong Choice


One of the biggest fears that keep us from moving ahead with our lives is our difficulty in making decisions. The irony, of course, is that by not choosing, we are choosing - to starve. We are choosing to deprive ourselves of what makes life a delicious feast.

The problem is that we have been taught "Be careful! You might make the wrong decision. A wrong decision! Oh no! What will that deprive me of? Closely tied to this is our panic over making mistakes. For some reason we feel we should be perfect, and forget that we learn through our mistakes. Yet, when we become uncomfortable, that is when we're growing.

I have a saying posted in my home about worrying that states, "Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." There really is nothing to lose, only something to gain, whatever the choices you make or actions you take in life.
All you have to do to change your world is change the way you think about it. You can actually shift your thinking in such a way as to make a wrong decision or mistake impossibility. It's not an obstacle, it's a learning experience. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this so that the next time it won't happen." There are opportunities to experience life in a new way, to learn and grow, to find out who you are and who you would really like to be and what you would like to do in this life. Each path is strewn with opportunities -despite the outcome. Remember that underlying all your fears is a lack of trust in self. Say to yourself, "I can handle it." Eighty percent of what you worry about never happens anyway.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Extremism to the Rescue


I think not.  Extremism never works out. One side or the other always gets slighted. Plus, it doesn’t feel right, does it?

There seems to be a push pull effect going on in the world today, so much extremism. It’s either one way or the other, extreme right or extreme left. No leaning allowed. No tolerance allowed. No room for compromise. I’m right, you’re wrong. It’s my way or the highway. It’s like watching children fighting over a toy with each one refusing to budge. Seriously, sometimes I wish I could just slap their faces and tell them to grow up and start behaving themselves.

We have extreme liberals pushing for what they believe progresses society morally and economically while the extreme fundamentalists strive to maintain a morale code, limit government and follow the rule of law. What’s interesting about this whole scenario is that the vast majority of people fall in the middle yet you wouldn’t know that from the media coverage.

It appears as if the bulk of the populace is being ignored while the extreme fractions duke it out on the world stage and set policy for the masses. That’s not right. It feels wrong because it is wrong. The extreme end of anything is ALWAYS a smaller fraction of the whole and yet that seems to be what’s in control.

In all the controversy it’s made the masses choose a side.  Are you more of this extreme than the other extreme? Wake up.  Speak up. Take control. Don’t let these two opposite extremes control you any longer. It’s time for the masses to stop this nonsense and gain control again. There is power in numbers and the masses of people fall in the middle.  It’s when we unite together with our commonalities that we become strong.

The desire to be at peace with one another has to be stronger than the desire to exert your own agenda, viewpoint or position on someone else. What’s your choice?

Monday, December 1, 2014

How Do You Show Up?


What the heck does that mean? Show up. When you need to have a conversation about a possible unpleasant topic, are you already upset about the subject? Do you assume there may be a dispute about it or are you gearing up for a confrontation? How do you enter that conversation then? Are you scared, tense, angry, frustrated, or apprehensive about what may happen? Whatever you are thinking, that is how you will show up. It manifests itself in our language, gestures, and body language. You could be saying all the right words, in your mind, and yet the other person is taking offense or doesn't understand your viewpoint. In essence you are giving mixed signals. If you are expecting a confrontation, your language will indicate that in subtle ways by choosing certain words that heads off a possible disagreement with your viewpoint, all the while standing rigid, arms crossed, and speaking in a cordial and professional voice.

What do you do then? Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what is the goal here. Is it to get your way or is it to accomplish something. Once you have grasped what the ultimate goal is, then you can look at the conversation for what it is, a conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Imagine entering into the conversation without no assumptions, expectations, or judgments. It is what it is.

Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up. He meant physically being there but I think it could also be applied to how you're showing up in your interactions. The success of an interaction is based on how you show up for it. It’s also said that 90% of conflicts are due to your tone of voice while only 10% is for the conflict itself.

How you show up can make all the difference in the world on the outcome you receive.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Feel Good, Naturally


It’s natural for you to feel good about yourself, who you are, what you’ve accomplished. We’re our own cheerleaders and we don’t even know it. In fact, when you say and do negative things that aren’t in line with your inner core you just feel off. Notice that the next time some negative emotions surface. Ask yourself what brought about those emotions but more importantly why does it make you feel yucky.

You feel yucky because it’s your natural state to exhibit positive loving emotions not negative ones.

It’s true. The reason negative feelings come up is because you’re not aligned with your true self, your spirit. Your spirit loves you unconditionally just the way you are. I find it interesting that there are so many songs out now that refer to this very thought. Lyrics that state you’re perfect just the way you are.

What to do? If you’re off, you might want to try and reset yourself by getting back into that feel good space. I do it but didn’t know it until a few years ago. What do I mean by that you ask? I reset my mood by talking myself out of being mad or upset. In fact, I can never stay mad for very long. I come up with different scenarios, conversations, or events that I wished ended differently. I make up a new endings and conversations so I feel better. It works.

You see that’s our natural state, to feel good about ourselves. Some people call it rationalizing. In the end the result is to feel good about the outcome.

What ways do you take a bad situation and make it feel good?

Monday, November 24, 2014

What Condition is Your Condition in?

Ah...unconditional love. "Only a face a mother could love". I'm sure you've heard that one. What would it feel like to have unconditional love? Most mothers and fathers would fall into that category. But how do you get that kind of love outside of the parent/child relationship? The following is part of an article I found from Jack Zwissig that says it better than I could.

“Conditional love is not really love. When we love conditionally what we are really saying is "I will care about you ONLY if you do this, and if you don't, then I will withdraw my love". Some of our harshest conditions come from the times when people have withdrawn love from us. At those moments, we learned early because we hurt so deeply. Unfortunately, we often learn that we are unlovable. We tell ourselves, "I don't ever want to be hurt like that again. If love is conditional like that, I'll just do my best to live without it.” At those painful times, we tend to make decisions and form beliefs very quickly. Some of those beliefs can be very damaging. They create a survival game, a game of scarcity that disempowers our relationships. We tuck away those beliefs and to about our lives without realizing that those beliefs really control us. They manifest themselves when the time comes. Your heart wants to go for it but the brain is telling you you'll be rejected, hurt, or not worthy, etc.”

In contrast when someone loves unconditionally, they love another person even with their faults. Who doesn’t have faults anyway? They may not like the actions the person took but they still love the person. Take for example the mother who still loves the son who committed a horrendous criminal act and is in prison for it. That’s unconditional love.

There are those that once they are hurt, myself included, will resist or shy away from relationships that might hurt them again. Yet then again there are those who will jump right back into relationship full speed ahead as if nothing happened.

At our core we must love. It’s our nature. To resist this basic instinct is to resist being human and live life to its fullest. When a spouse dies it’s only natural for the surviving spouse to eventually move on, to seek out another to love. It doesn’t devalue the previous relationship but helps the survivor live again.  Sometimes a spouse is so hurt by the loss it’s hard to move on, believing no one else could compare and no one else will. Each person is unique and should be cherished for it.

I believe in relationships that some aspects are conditional while others are not. Only when put in a situation that will test it will you know for sure. Is your love unconditional or conditional? It all depends on the relationship.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Celebrate Jesus’ Life, Not Death

Even when I was a young girl in church I thought it was a bit morbid to put so much emphasis on Jesus crucifixion. It just didn’t seem right but my young mind couldn’t articulate why. Now as an adult who has expanded her realm of spiritual understanding, I can.

I compare going through the Stations of the Cross to modern times. What if instead of remembering how your family friend or relative lived you focused on the stages of his last few months of cancer treatment? Each radiation treatment was documented with pictures and when the person passed you focused on the loved ones last few days. How depressing that would be. Here a vibrant person with a hearty laugh and quick smile passed on and you focused on his last few months instead of the 50 plus years the person lived as if it had no meaning. I think not. It just wouldn’t happen.

When my grandpa passed from cancer my Mom didn’t want the pictures of him when he was sick. No, she wanted the pictures of the Dad she remembered, the one with the kind smile and soft eyes. The healthy, full of life kind of guy she grew up knowing.

How we celebrate Jesus should be the same way. He taught many lessons through his words and examples in his short life. That is what we should focus on, a way of navigating life on this planet, a way of being. That is what we should celebrate, life!

Monday, November 3, 2014

What is the Perfect Form of Government?

There are many types of government to choose from and lately there are some who believe the US should shift from a Republic to more of a Democracy or Socialism.  What is the best?

According to those who channel the spirits; Abraham-Hicks and The Light Collective, we are spirits having a human experience.  We are here to learn. It could be that you’ve come here to learn how to speak up for yourself, learn how to listen, love yourself.  In fact, you could have several themes that you are trying to learn from. The one thing that both sources say that is behind it all is that you have free will. That means you are free to choose whether or not you want to go along with whatever is happening in your life. For example:  Are you learning to speak up for yourself or choosing not to? Have you learned to love your handicap and how overweight you are or are you choosing to be angry at the world? There are hundreds of examples that I could list but you’re probably wondering what that has to do with government.

If free will is at the core of learning from our experiences then it’s only logical that freedom should be part of our government.  So what is the perfect form of government according to Abraham?

It would be a government that allows you freedom to be or have as you want.” However, that will come only when there is an understanding of how you are getting what you are getting.  Government, for the most part, has become one of rules and regulations primarily established to protect one of you from the other of you. “When you come to understand that you invite through thought, then you will not feel so much need for all of that restriction, and then your government can be established as it was begun –more to offer services rather than restriction or control.”

What is Abraham referring to here? They are referring to the Law of Attraction. Our thoughts bring about our outcome.  If you are focused on debt and unemployment, then that is what you’ll get more of.  If you find someone irritating, you then will go about observing and collecting evidence to support your view without taking into account the other 90% of the time the person is quite nice. It’s all a matter of perspective.  The opposite is also true. When you are focused on how grateful and happy you are, you begin to find even more things to be joyous about. Your view of the world becomes positive and therefore that’s what you see.

You can learn more about the Law of Attraction from Esther and Jerry Hicks.  The movie, The Secret, was taken from their channel work.

Oh and by the way, no one makes you angry or irritates you.  You make yourself angry and irritable. The other person is just being who they are. You can decide to join in their negativity or not.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Happiness Equals?

What does it equal, that all depends on how you define it.

What is happiness after all? Some would say its achieving success while others would say it’s the love of family and friend, but both are dependent on other people.

What then makes the person who has suffered great loss or been through many struggles still exhibit happiness?

Happiness isn’t a person place or thing, it’s a mind set.

It’s being in tune with your values and living a life of integrity. It’s seeing the positive in everything.

It’s being grateful for your blessings even when obstacles come your way.

But it’s goes much deeper than that. When you are in alignment with your inner being you will be able to embrace happiness as you know it. No doubts about is this me or not, but knowing that it is and that you love who you are, faults and all.

How do you get there? Is what you are doing and being at this moment making you happy? Pay attention to how you feel, to your emotions. If it doesn’t make you feel good then it won’t make you happy. Your emotions are you measurement tool for happiness.

Monday, October 27, 2014

If at First You don’t Succeed ….

You know how it goes but what does try really mean? It means to attempt. If someone told you they were attempting to lose weight and attempting to lose weight, or whatever their goal and they weren't making any progress, what would you think? You'd think they were failing. To try is to fail with honor. "Try" has become so common in our language that we've lost the true meaning of it. A better option would be to say you're working on it. Saying it that way implies that you are consciously aware of what is going on. What is working and what is not working and that you are actively restructuring your methods to achieve that goal. Language shapes everything in our world. As people speak, they reveal themselves. Language is the house of being. Words like "try" and "I'll do the best I can" are indicative of a diluted commitment. If you say, "I'll probably get that done", it sounds like a slim chance of happening. Is it done or isn't it? There is power in the words we choose to use. Choose your words wisely and consciously to achieve the true intention to your commitment.

Parts taken from Sue Hawk, Ideal Coaching.

Friday, October 24, 2014

What’s Your Happiness Barometer at?

That’s the measurement tool we should be using when deciding what we should be doing. Stop. Check your emotions. If it makes you happy than do it, if it won’t, then don’t do it.

There’s a misconception that rich people are happy but that’s not true. In fact, some of the poorest people rate higher on their happiness barometer then rich people. They usually place a high value on family and relationships. They also live their truth and are very grateful for what they have no matter what the condition they find themselves in.

Thinks about it, the things that really make you happy are free like smiles, sharing a laugh with friends, hugging family members and the fresh smell of nature after it rains.

Material happiness is really short lived. As seniors advance in age they start to give away their belongings but keep sentimental items like a gift from a friend or pictures of family members. Everything else can go because it’s not important.

An important point here is that everyone’s happiness barometer is unique to their self.  In other words, what makes you happy isn’t necessarily going to have the same effect on another person.  Their happiness may come in a different form. You can’t project your view of happiness on someone else anymore than they could on you.

What do you think?

Instead of viewing success in terms of wealth, how about we measure it in happiness? After all isn’t that what we’re all after?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Are You Flocking Together with the Wrong People?

Have you ever noticed that positive, successful people flock together? I never see positive successful people with negative downers. Its one reason successful people are successful. How do your associations affect you?

One reason, positive, successful people just seem to gravitate to other positive, successful people. Modeling is one of the most effective ways people learn. They learn by example. You can have negative modeling -which is why people who spend time with negative, unsuccessful people become negative and unsuccessful. Or, you can have positive modeling. People who spend time with positive, successful people become successful themselves. That's because they see successful people as models to learn from. They're inspired by them. They say to themselves, "If they can do it, I can do it".

They're grateful to have these positive, successful people in their lives so they can have a blueprint to follow. They know that if you take the same exact actions and have the exact same mind-set; chances are good that you will get the exact same results.

In contrast, what do poor people do when they hear about other people's success? Do they model them? Do they intend to rise to their level? No! Poor people often judge them, criticize them, mock them or try to pull the successful people down to their own level. How could they possibly learn or from be inspired by them when they're tearing them down?

Energy is contagious? You either affect people or you infect people. Why would you want to be infected by negativity? It’s something to think about. So, who are you flocking with?

Friday, October 17, 2014

Create Your Experiences

Yes you do have the power to create your experiences. Actually, you’ve been doing it all along through your words, thoughts and actions. These three things foretell what will become of your future whether by default or by design.

Let me explain. When you wish for things to be better in your life your thoughts, words and actions MUST match the outcome you wish to have. However, when you wish for things to be better but you project through your thoughts, words and actions that indicate it can’t be done, it’s not possible.  Thoughts or doubt that it won’t happen then manifest in your words and actions and then guess what, it won’t. You must believe you are able to be and do the things you want and then by taking deliberate actions, step by step, bit by bit it will happen. Keep the goal in mind. Make the Law of Attraction work for you.

It’s much like the college student who has several years of school ahead of her. She knows her goal, she wants her goal, and therefore she keeps taking the action steps (classes) to achieve her goal. Wah…lah. One day it’s accomplished. She could have given up but the belief and desire was strong. She created a plan, worked the plan and then achieved the fruits of her labor.

You can create by design like the college student or create by default by waiting around to see what happens. Either way you are creating. Chances are the wait and see approach will get you no-where. Is that what you want?

Get going and start creating your experiences.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Yes, We’re all Connected

From the plants to the animals and on up to the human race we all need each other, even the moon effects what goes on here on earth.

Recently I was looking at all the plants I have in my home and I got to thinking about what they need to thrive. They need water, sun, soil and nutrients are the obvious components

Plants can do fine on their own in the elements. In their native environment they don’t need me. But wait they do.  They need animals and I qualify. Plants take in carbon dioxide the exact thing mammals expel. Plants give off oxygen. We definitely need that.  For some animals, plants are their only source of food. We humans are lucky we can eat plants or animals, hence being at the top of the food chain.

However we don’t just take, through our body eliminations and garbage we produce gets recycled through decay and provides plants with the nutrients they need to thrive. Isn’t nature grand? There’s a full circle going on all the time. Nature is always in perfect harmony. We play a part in it too.

This is just a reminder how we’re all connected in a natural sense. We’re even connected in other ways but now I’m getting ahead of myself.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

What has Made America Great?

One could state technology, agriculture or manufacturing but that would be just scratching the surface. What’s behind all that?

It’s the people. The people are the ones who make it happen.  They were given the opportunity and resources to let their imagination run wild, a free reign to create. I get chills just thinking about it. The constitution certainly encouraged such endeavors, the philosophy that anything you set your mind to, combined with your powerful drive and ambition, could happen. 

But what is it that one common thread that has pulled the nation together, all the people? What is that one commonality that ensures as a nation we stand united, assimilation?

It didn’t matter if you were just off the boat from Ireland in the 1800’s, brought here as a slave, or ostracized for being a German or Japanese after WWII, everyone eventually assimilated into the American culture by first learning to speak English and eventually adopting  the customs, sometimes even more so than the families that have been here longer.

One such memory is when my husband and I were invited to a Russian friend’s 4th of July celebration. It had the usual amount of food, celebratory mood and fireworks. However, I couldn’t figure out what was so odd about it. I finally realized what it was. I was surrounded by people from Russia, Romania and Slovenia who recently became citizens. I was the only one there who had a family history of being US citizens.

Everyone celebrated the event but for them it had greater meaning.  I guess coming from countries without the freedom we take for granted does that to people. The people I was with were successful in their fields even more so then many of the people I knew at the time. They had embraced the American Dream.  It all made sense when I asked the Russian host when he had become a US citizen, He replied, “I’ve always been an American”.  Hmmm, that told me that inside he’s always had the entrepreneur spirit but wasn’t able to express it due to his government.

Yes we are the melting pot and assimilation is what helps the people unite.  It’s the commonality that brings us together not the differences.  Let’s focus on that!

Monday, October 6, 2014

You CAN Have Absolute Control

You have absolute control over but one thing, and that is your thoughts. This is the most significant and inspiring of all facts known to man. It reflects man's divine nature. This divine prerogative is the sole means by which you may control your own destiny. - Napoleon Hill "Think and Grow Rich"

Wow! That is profound and so true. It is your thoughts that become your language, that becomes your actions and thus your life - destiny. YOU have the power to control it. The question is, what are you going to do with it? You can create by default or design, the choice is yours.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

What’s Your Cross to Bear?

Don’t’ kid yourself everyone has one. What is yours?

We’ve all made bad decisions along the way and now we have to live with them. Maybe it was a cruel comment to someone who has never forgiven you or a falling out with a parent, sibling or friend that has caused you not to speak to one another. All you can do then is forgive yourself and move one.

The lesson has been learned, or has it? If it hasn’t you’ll continue to repeat it in different ways. You may not see the similarities between the situations but others will. Your challenge is to recognize what you can learn from the experience, to learn a better way to handle it in the future.  You still may have a cross to bear due to your prior decisions but at least you won’t be making the same kind of error.  I’d say the hardest part is forgiving yourself, for the cross you create is of your own doing. Forgiving yourself is loving you.  By not forgiving yourself you are saying you’re not worthy of love, but you are. No one can give you that you give it to yourself by releasing the negative emotion and allow the love to return.

Cross/challenge, they are the one and the same, time to grow by letting to and move on.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Evolution or Forced Change

That’s the underlying message I feel some groups impose on society. It could be the EPA, animal rights gay marriage, education, or even food choices. Recently I heard the vegan community lamenting beef because of some allergic reaction the beef had thus promoting that vegan is better.

Everyone has the right to have their own opinion and you’re free to partake in your beliefs, however, what is the underlying desire of some to force others to abide by their viewpoint, to change laws, procedures or requirements to fit their view? The only thing I can think of is insecurity and power.

If you’re secure in your beliefs you certainly don’t need to have them validated by anyone else.  Perhaps you feel alone therefore by forcing others to your viewpoint will make you feel better, not an outcast.

Power, perhaps the thrill of controlling others does something for you and the only way to do that is to shame or force someone to abide by your beliefs.

The problem with forcing, controlling or restricting others is that unless they follow your way it doesn’t last. It’s on a façade. Persuasion is a much better tool to use. When people are controlled by restricting their way of being they will eventually rebel. It’s like how the saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” It also applies here.

Whether it’s food choices, education or gay marriage it doesn’t matter how many laws are passed it won’t change the core belief each and every one of us has. Take for example abortion, even though it became law there is still a huge resistance for its acceptance.

In order for changes to really take hold, it has to follow a natural evolutionary process one in which there is no resistance, the greater the push the greater the resistance.  In many of the areas I mentioned there has been much resistance and yet it still continues to be pushed by a few. If it has to be pushed than it’s not evolving naturally.

Curious, what changes do you think will have staying power?

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Need a Tune Up?

When you’re feeling a bit out of sorts with yourself, if you’ve lost your groove the ideas and solutions just aren’t there then it’s time for a tune up, an intellectual tune up of sorts.

Sometimes you just need to get away from it all just to figure out what you need to do.

That’s why breaks and lunches are good at work, physical activity, a weekend get-away, time with friends and vacation time is essential for your soul.

By getting in touch, even briefly, with your child like fun side reactivates and reenergizes your mind both intellectually and emotionally. It’s as if your core being says thank you. I needed that.

It opens up and relaxes your body and mind so that you can receive the information you need to continue on your journey through life.

Next time you’re having a mental block; don’t berate yourself for taking the break you need. Tell your boss you need to get in for a tune up. No need to go in to details.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Stressed Out?

What causes stress? Most would say that having a lot to do but not having the time to do it causes stress and they would be right. But why is it that some people get a lot accomplished yet they don't appear to be stressed out? We all have the same 24 hrs in a day.

If all you had to deal with was what was happening at the moment, would you be stressed? Not likely. What makes a person stressed out are all the other things that are not done. In our day to day life we spend so much time just doing the daily stuff that all the other things get pushed aside. You know the stuff. The stuff you keep putting off and putting off like; cleaning out the garage, getting caught up on your photos, fixing that door hinge, giving away old clothes, having some friends over for dinner, or calling that friend that you've been meaning to for the past five years.

Typically we rationalize that it's not that important, and in the grand scheme of life it's not. However, it still is in the back of our mind taking up space that could be used for better things.

Therefore, ask yourself what it would feel like to have absolutely everything on your internal list done. What would that look like? Imagine how free you would feel. Can you? If you can't then it'll never happen? It can be hard work but when you work on doing the stuff on your internal list you will gradually become freer. Your life will become less stressful and you will be able to live in the moment. Now, get busy.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Growing Pains

Where you are right now, and I mean this very moment, is where you’ve put yourself through your thoughts, words and actions.

If you don’t like where you’re at be it a job, home, friends or spouse is exactly where you’ve put yourself. If you don’t like it then you need to change all three of the above.

Life is constantly showing us what we want and what we don’t want in order for us to be clearer on what it is we really do want. Our thoughts, words and actions dictate where it will lead.

Sometimes you end up not liking the situation you’re in or the people you’re hanging around with. That too is a choice that can be changed. It’s a teeter totter of deciding what you want with what you don’t want.

It would be nice if you only got what you want but sometimes you’re not so clear on it so the universe throws you situations at you to help you become clear. Going through things you don’t want helps you become clearer on what you do want so you can make better future decision.

For example, you would like to date a guy who’s good looking, has a nice physique and a totally hot car. You eventually end up dating the guy only to be disappointed because he spends all his extra time and money on the gym or fixing up his car.  After this experience you decide that quality time with the one you date is more important than your previous criteria. You got what she wanted only to find out it’s not what you REALLY want.  You now change your parameters for dating.  By getting what you don’t want you find out what you do want. It’s a blessing in disguise.

In a nut shell its growing pains, its life.

Monday, August 25, 2014

The Best Way to Predict the Future is to Create it

We live our life by default or by design, by chance or by choice. Which one would you rather have? Would you rather drift through life letting the circumstances that arise dictate your life or would you rather take the bull by the horns and steer it to where you want to go? You can.

 You have the power to make your life whatever you want it to be. Be the author instead of the reader. When given the choice, and it is your choice, most people would rather be in control of their destiny. It's not always easy; anything worth having doesn't come easily.

You must commit yourself to your cause and do whatever it takes to reach your goal. If the goal is to get a college education and along the way there are setbacks, take it for what it is, a setback not a give up. Keep the long term goal in mind. Bit by bit and day by day you will continue to get closer to your goal. In the process you will not have only achieved what you want, but in the end you will have gained something much more, confidence, determination, perseverance, and a sense of accomplishment. These are qualities that will be embodied in you and carry you through anything for the rest of your life. Now isn't that worth designing your life for?

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

What Do You Do for a Living?

You may have been asked that question several times. The usual response is to state what you do to earn a living which means your job. However, many years ago a professor of mine taught the class a lesson about life more that his course material provided when he replied “I like to write, read and occasionally hand out with friends.”  The class was taken aback at first because we didn’t get it. What he did was make a distinction between earning a living and what he did to live his life.  He had replied with the latter.

You see a lot of people define their living by how they earn a living instead of what they do for living their life.  It was a great lesson. I don’t recall the professor’s name or even the class he taught but I have remembered that life lesson for over 30 years.  It’s a lesson I have to remind myself of when I get to caught up in the busyness of life and need to remind myself to get back to what I enjoy doing. When you really get down to it, most of us earn a living so that we can enjoy the fruits of our labor by taking a vacation, purchasing the items that bring you joy, going out to eat with your friends or just doing nice things for the people in your life.

Does this happen to you?  Do you get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life?

Now, what do you do for a living?

Monday, August 18, 2014

Where Attention Goes Energy Flows

Isn't that so true? It doesn't matter what events may be happening in your life, if you see an opportunity for something you want, boom you’re on it, and everything else becomes secondary, link that now on a global scale. Where attention goes energy flows. What is happening right now in your world, poverty, economy, jobs, and war? Where is the attention?

In physics the Law of Attraction states that positive attracts positive while negative attracts negative. Basically, we get what we give. If your attention and thus energy is focused on war then that is what you are going to get more of, however if your attention is focused on peace that that is what you'll get. Currently the media has been focusing on a recession. What happens then? People start to hold onto their money expecting the worse thereby taking more money out of the economy. What do they get more of, a recession? There is less money flow.

 What do you want in your life and is it positive or negative? If you want peace, be peaceful. If you want more money, work on attracting it by learning from the people who have it. The same goes for the negative aspects in your life. If you're hanging around people who are trouble, then eventually you will attract that to your life even if you consciously don't want it. It's sad to say but its guilt by association. Assumptions will be made and then comes the self-fulfilling prophecy that, "'I might was well do it anyway because that's what people expect".

If you want a certain type of lifestyle or job you need to focus on it instead of your current situation. If you focus on your current situation then that’s what you’ll continue to have. Think of the saying, "The poor get poorer while the rich get richer". It’s what they attract. It's your choice; attract the positive or the negative.

Monday, August 11, 2014

What Are You Making More Important?

What do you make important in your every day decisions? Think about it. Every time you make a decision you are deciding what is more important to you. Take for example being late for work. What did you make more important; getting more sleep, looking better, or having something to eat? Something else was more important to you than getting to work on time. Take notice.

The same thing goes for the decisions you make throughout the day. Should you talk to this person first, run this report, check on a schedule change, or have lunch because you're famished. What did you give the top priority to? It's a notice for you to make about yourself.

This could be the reason things don't work out as you had planned, because you made something else more important. You lived your circumstances. What to do? The first step is to be aware of what you are doing. From there you need to decide what you can do in the future to make it work out better so that you life runs smoother.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

If it Feels Good - Do it

When I refer to “feels” good I don’t mean in the physical sense but in the emotional sense.

When a thought comes to you about an action you should take ask yourself how it will make you feel. Does it feel right or are some negative, doubtful emotions tagging along for the ride? That’s your barometer. If it feels right, down to your core, then do it. Others may not agree with you but for you it’s the right thing to do. It means you’re in alignment with your inner Being. Conversely, if you have doubts it’s also your barometer telling you that something isn’t right, you may not be able to pinpoint your doubt, it’s just a gut feeling, but listen to it.  It’s your guidance system for your well being. It’s telling you not to do it. Listen to it.

The hardest part is actually stopping your forward movement to actually assess what your emotions or gut feeling is telling you. Life can be so busy going from one thing to another it’s not doable. However, I can honestly say that when I look back at my life and the choices I’ve made, my gut instinct was always right in the long run. It doesn’t mean I listened to it at the time. I brushed it off as being paranoid. Boy was I wrong.

And here’s another thing, when you have those positive, feel good emotions about an action, person or whatever, it means you’re in alignment with who you are. Go for it.

Monday, August 4, 2014

The Hard Times Pass Just Like the Good Ones Do

This is a lyric from one of Sugarland's songs and it fits so nicely into what your frame of mind is. Read it again. Often times a person will look at an event/situation in their life as a hard time compared to a normal time. However, you also have really good times when things are just clicking. You're at the top of your game. You’re in the zone. That time passes too.

An analogy I was told is to look at the hard times as clouds passing through. Some are big and some are small. When you realize that that is all it is, it becomes easier to handle it and therefore focus on the sunshine just up ahead. It could be a business venture that has hit a bump on its road to success or a relationship area that needs to be worked out. Take it for what it is, a cloud passing through.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Which is Stronger, Will or Skill?

I vote for “will.”
Nothing frustrates and saddens me more than when I see someone with the skill to long jump further than the actual athletes but doesn’t want to pursue their obvious talent or the brightest well read expert on history that would rather hoard their knowledge than share it. What a rip off for the world.
They have the skill but not the will.
Conversely I’ve witnessed employees and fellow athletes that weren’t necessarily the best at their skill but they had so much drive, desire and will power to do whatever it took to improve that guess what, they did.
You see skill can be taught and learned but will cannot. That’s an internal mechanism that the individual controls.  It can be ignited by some inspiring words, book, video etc but ultimately the individual is responsible for keeping the flame going.
Without the will you won’t succeed in your endeavor. It’s important to be passionate about what you do.
Bottom line, if your heart isn’t in it don’t waste your time, money or anyone else’s if you don’t have the heart to see it through.

Monday, July 28, 2014

How Do You Stay Positive

Whenever I find a great resource for transformation I like to pass it on. Here is an excerpt from Susan Jeffers, PHD who wrote the book, "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway".

So here you are a blob of negativity. How do you even begin to turn around those miserable thoughts that take away your power? You begin by doing the same thing you would do if your body were out of shape. You create an exercise program - in this case, to retrain your mind. To do so, you must take action.

Before giving a suggested action plan, I recommend that you have on hand the following to make your daily routine more efficient and certainly more pleasurable:

1) A small audio cassette or CD player, iPod, whatever suits you best for portable listening.

2) Positive audio and CD's. These include affirmations, relaxation, meditation, motivation, visualization, and inspirational tapes and CD's. Also, there are many uplifting books available in audio format.

3) Positive books that inspire and motivate. I suggest buying your books instead of borrowing, if possible. You may want to underline and write in the books and reread them over and over again. Remember, you are investing in yourself.

4) Index cards or Post-it notes

5) Positive quotes. Write them on your index cards or Post-it notes and hang or attach them where you'll see them, on your mirror, car, refrigerator, and phone. i.e.; "I'm not a failure if I don't make it ... I'm a success because I tried." Unknown.

6) Affirmations. What is an affirmation? An affirmation is self-talk in its highest form. It is a positive statement that something is already happening. It's not happening tomorrow or in the future, but right now.
- I relax knowing I can handle it.
- I stand tall and take responsibility for my life.
- I know that I count and I act as if I do.

-Always state affirmations in the present (I am now handling my fears vs. I will handle my fears)
-Always phrase affirmations in the positive, rather than the negative. (I am becoming more confident every day vs. I am no longer putting myself down)

Select affirmations that feel right to you at any given time. What feels right changes as your situation and mood change. What's important? Out talk your negativity. The key is to know that you can lead a productive and meaningful life no matter what the external circumstances are. What positive thinking does is offer a power boost to help you handle whatever life gives you.


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Take a Stand or Fall for Anything

This is a shorten version of the quote; “If you don’t take a stand for something you’ll fall for anything?
This is such a true statement. When you aren’t clear about your values and position on an issue you’ll experiment with it to form an opinion. However, you might also find yourself down a road of destruction in the process and unable to recover.
Take for example smoking, sex, drugs, health and freedom. If you don’t know where you stand on these issues you’ll likely fall into smoking to “try” it out. The same goes for sex and drugs. If chastity isn’t important to you or you haven’t formed an opinion you’ll likely have sex with many partners along the way with the chance of an unwanted pregnancy or STD’s for your lack of stance.
If you don’t take a stand on your freedom of speech, it can be easily taken away. It won’t happen in one fell swoop but bit by bit it can be chipped away until one day you realize you can’t express yourself as you would like because it might offend someone or your privacy is compromised. Now it’s too late or harder to fix it.
Parents are tasked with teaching their children values through education and example. However there are so many influences out there that can trump the parent’s efforts. Besides kids think their parents are old fashioned and don’t’ know anything anyway. Wrong!
As you age you may dispel some of the values they taught but it was a good foundation to start you out with.  They teach you these things because it’s a formula that has worked well through the years.
By knowing yourself well enough, by knowing what you stand for, the decisions and choices in your life become easier to make because you know what you stand for. You won’t fall for anything.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Working Together – Nature Supplies the Perfect Model

The reason why geese fly in "V" formation is because as each bird flaps its wings it creates uplift for the one that follows it. This way the whole flock achieves an extra 71% flying range. 71%! When the lead goose tires it drifts back into the formation and another moves to the lead position so that they all benefit from the extra lift.

Nature has the perfect model. These birds are working better together than any other human group I've ever met or heard of... and they have brains the size of olives. "If geese can do it, people can to."

When participants unite behind a common purpose, they make each person's load easier and together they boost each other's potential. What a great concept!

"One Purpose", Richard Jacobs

Monday, July 14, 2014

Intend on Being Successful

Intentions are so important. What is more important is how they are expressed. It all begins with a belief that it is possible. Without the belief there is no possibility. However with the ingrained belief that your desire is possible, you then begin to conceive of the solution. 

You have to feel as if it has already happened. Speak as if it’s a given. Act as if you’re already there. It's going to happen and now all you have to do is go through the motions of achieving it. Give it 100%. Make a commitment. Stick with it. Take action every day towards your goal. Little by little, bit by bit the intention becomes reality. It may not be easy but then anything worth having never is.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Eye of the Tiger

Do you have the eye of the tiger?

Having the eye of the tiger means you are focused on winning. In regards to what I do it means a person knows and is focused on living out their passion. It means they know who they are and what they want to do with their life therefore all decisions and choices are made from that perspective.  In that regard they don’t stray from their goal and like a laser stay focused on what will bring them the most joy.

In order to be that track you really need to know who you are from the inside out. You have to know deep down what you not only want to do and be but it’s what you MUST do and be.  Often times this can be confusing because there are so many influences that come into play from parents, friends and society that it’s hard to filter them out and discover what part of is really you. But you must do this. You must figure out what part of the influences you’ve been exposed to you will incorporate into your own being and which ones you will disregard.  Only when you have discerned this will you be able to make an accurate correlation between who you are and how you should be showing up in the world. Finding your passion will finally be able to expose itself to you as if there were no other choice. The choice is clear. When the choice is clear then it’s a matter of taking action steps to make it a reality. Combine the two and you are the eye of the tiger and you will roar!

Monday, July 7, 2014

What do You Stand for?

What do you stand for? People today are too afraid to take a stand. I'm not referring to environmental, political, or humane causes. There are people who do take a stand in those areas, but it had to start somewhere. I'm referring to the day to day occurrences that happen to people every day.

Someone cuts in line. Do you stand there and let it happen or do call the person on it? Not in a rude way but in an informative way. I say it like that because if you are rude you'll attract the same thing back. If you inform the other person you give the person the benefit of the doubt. It may not change the situation but then again you could learn that the person didn't notice, had other things on his/her mind, or has an emergency situation. Ideally, the offending person apologizes and takes notice to not do it in the future.

How about taking a stand to have integrity in your workplace? It has to start somewhere. If you want to work in an atmosphere of integrity and respect, you have to take a stand to hold everyone to that standard, including yourself.