If at First You don’t Succeed ….

You know how it goes but what does try really mean? It means to attempt. If someone told you they were attempting to lose weight and attempting to lose weight, or whatever their goal and they weren't making any progress, what would you think? You'd think they were failing. To try is to fail with honor. "Try" has become so common in our language that we've lost the true meaning of it. A better option would be to say you're working on it. Saying it that way implies that you are consciously aware of what is going on. What is working and what is not working and that you are actively restructuring your methods to achieve that goal. Language shapes everything in our world. As people speak, they reveal themselves. Language is the house of being. Words like "try" and "I'll do the best I can" are indicative of a diluted commitment. If you say, "I'll probably get that done", it sounds like a slim chance of happening. Is it done or isn't it? There is power in the words we choose to use. Choose your words wisely and consciously to achieve the true intention to your commitment.

Parts taken from Sue Hawk, Ideal Coaching.

How to Stay Positive

Whenever I find a great resource for transformation I like to pass it on. Here is an excerpt from Susan Jeffers, PHD who wrote the book, "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway".


So here you are a blob of negativity. How do you even begin to turn around those miserable thoughts that take away your power? You begin by doing the same thing you would do if your body were out of shape. You create an exercise program - in this case, to retrain your mind. To do so, you must take action.

Before giving a suggested action plan, I recommend that you have on hand the following to make your daily routine more efficient and certainly more pleasurable:

1) A small audio cassette or CD player, iPod, whatever suits you best for portable listening.

2) Positive audio and CD's. These include affirmations, relaxation, meditation, motivation, visualization, and inspirational tapes and CD's. Also, there are many uplifting books available in audio format.

3) Positive books that inspire and motivate. I suggest buying your books instead of borrowing, if possible. You may want to underline and write in the books and reread them over and over again. Remember, you are investing in yourself.

4) Index cards or Post-it notes

5) Positive quotes. Write them on your index cards or Post-it notes and hang or attach them where you'll see them, on your mirror, car, refrigerator, and phone. i.e.; "I'm not a failure if I don't make it ... I'm a success because I tried." Unknown.

6) Affirmations. What is an affirmation? An affirmation is self-talk in its highest form. It is a positive statement that something is already happening. It's not happening tomorrow or in the future, but right now.

- I relax knowing I can handle it.
- I stand tall and take responsibility for my life.
- I know that I count and I act as if I do.


Rules:

-Always state affirmations in the present (I am now handling my fears vs. I will handle my fears)
-Always phrase affirmations in the positive, rather than the negative. (I am becoming more confident every day vs. I am no longer putting myself down)

Select affirmations that feel right to you at any given time. What feels right changes as your situation and mood change. What's important? Out talk your negativity. The key is to know that you can lead a productive and meaningful life no matter what the external circumstances are. What positive thinking does is offer a power boost to help you handle whatever life gives you.

What's Wrong with being a Pollyanna?

Nothing! There is an automatic assumption that negative is realistic and positive is unrealistic. That is pure madness. It is reported that more than 90% of what we worry about never happens. That means that our negative worries have less than a 10% chance of being correct. If this is so, isn't being positive more realistic than being negative?


If you think about it, the important issue is not which is more realistic, but rather, "Why be miserable when you can be happy?" If being a Pollyanna creates a happier world for you and those around you, why hesitate for one more moment?

Nothing is realistic or unrealistic-there is only what we think about any given situation. We create our own reality. What does all this tell you? STOP FEEDING YOURSELF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. Negative thoughts take away your power.... and thus make you more paralyzed from your fear.

So, why don't people think more positively? People don't understand what being a positive thinker requires. It takes a special commitment and requires a great deal of practice. And then once you get it all down perfectly, a maintenance program is a must. If you don't practice, you lose the skill. This is the point most people don't seem to understand. So how do you stay positive? Stay tuned.

This excerpt is from: "Feel the fear and do it anyway", by Susan Jeffers, PHD. It’s a very good read.

Be Careful You Might Make the Wrong Choice

One of the biggest fears that keep us from moving ahead with our lives is our difficulty in making decisions. The irony, of course, is that by not choosing, we are choosing - to starve. We are choosing to deprive ourselves of what makes life a delicious feast.




The problem is that we have been taught "Be careful! You might make the wrong decision. A wrong decision! Oh no! What will that deprive me of? Closely tied to this is our panic over making mistakes. For some reason we feel we should be perfect, and forget that we learn through our mistakes. Yet, when we become uncomfortable, that is when we're growing.



I have a saying posted in my home about worrying that states, "Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." There really is nothing to lose, only something to gain, whatever the choices you make or actions you take in life. All you have to do to change your world is change the way you think about it. You can actually shift your thinking in such a way as to make a wrong decision or mistake impossibility. It's not an obstacle, it's a learning experience. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this so that the next time it won't happen." There are opportunities to experience life in a new way, to learn and grow, to find out who you are and who you would really like to be and what you would like to do in this life. Each path is strewn with opportunities -despite the outcome. Remember that underlying all your fears is a lack of trust in self. Say to yourself, "I can handle it."

Intend of Being Successful

Intentions are so important. What is more important is how they are expressed. It all begins with a belief that it is possible. Without the belief there is no possibility. However with the ingrained belief that your desire is possible, you then begin to conceive of the solution.  You have to feel as if it has already happened. Speak as if it’s a given. Act as if you’re already there. It's going to happen and now all you have to do is go through the motions of achieving it. Give it 100%. Make a commitment. Stick with it. Take action every day towards your goal. Little by little, bit by bit the intention becomes reality. It may not be easy but then anything worth having never is.

What do You Stand for?

What do you stand for? People today are too afraid to take a stand. I'm not referring to environmental, political, or humane causes. There are people who do take a stand in those areas, but it had to start somewhere. I'm referring to the day to day occurrences that happen to people every day. Someone cuts in line. Do you stand there and let it happen or do call the person on it? Not in a rude way but in an informative way. I say it like that because if you are rude you'll attract the same thing back. If you inform the other person, you give the person the benefit of the doubt. It may not change the situation but then again you could learn that the person didn't notice, had other things on his/her mind, or has an emergency situation. Ideally, the offending person apologizes and takes notice to not do it in the future. How about taking a stand to have integrity in your workplace? It has to start somewhere. If you want to work in an atmosphere of integrity and respect, you have to take a stand to hold everyone to that standard, including yourself.

Stressed Out

What causes stress? Most would say that having a lot to do but not having the time to do it causes stress and they would be right. But why is it that some people get a lot accomplished, yet they don't appear to be stressed out? We all have the same 24 hrs in a day.


If all you had to deal with was what was happening at the moment, would you be stressed? Not likely. What makes a person stressed out are all the other things that are not done. In our day to day life we spend so much time just doing the daily stuff that all the other things get pushed aside. You know the stuff. The stuff you keep putting off and putting off like; cleaning out the garage, getting caught up on your photos, fixing that door hinge, giving away old clothes, having some friends over for dinner, or calling that friend that you've been meaning to for the past five years. Typically we rationalize that it's not that important, and in the grand scheme of life it's not. However, it still is in the back of your mind taking up space that could be used for better things. Therefore, ask yourself what it would feel like to have absolutely everything on your internal list done. What would that look like? Imagine how free you would feel. Can you, if you can't then it'll never happen. It can be hard work, but when you work on doing the stuff on your internal list you will gradually become freer. Your life will become less stressful and you will be able to live in the moment. Now, get busy.

What Are You Making More Important?

What do you make important in your every day decisions? Think about it. Every time you make a decision you are deciding what is more important to you. Take for example being late for work. What did you make more important; getting more sleep, looking better, or having something to eat? Something else was more important to you than getting to work on time. Take notice. The same thing goes for the decisions you make throughout the day. Should you talk to this person first, run this report, check on a schedule change, or go have lunch because you're famished. What did you give the top priority to? It's a notice for you to make about yourself. This could be the reason things don't work out as you had planned, because you made something else more important. You lived your circumstances. What to do? The first step is to be aware of what you are doing. From there you need to decide what you can do in the future to make it work out better so that you life runs smoother.

Hey! Where is My Support

How do you find a good support system? Well, you have to go out and create the kind of support system you want. Remember that people will be flattered by your interest in whatever you ask them. You will make them feel good just by asking or simply calling them. Pick someone you perceive as being a few steps ahead of you in personal growth. A good place to find such people is at self-improvement classes, workshops, or seminars.


What do I do when my mate is the one who is dragging me down? The thing to remember here is that the mate may look at this change as a personal rejection of him or her or that you will outgrow or find them unattractive as a mate. Communicating that you are still committed to the relationship and him/her and that you are seeking to become all that you can be is the key. The mate will have to make a decision as to whether they support you in that or not.

What we resist persists. Do you want to improve your life or not? Although the thought that your relationship could break down may be very frightening, in actuality I know of no one who has chosen the path of growth over his or her relationship who has regretted that choice.

Believe that your mate wants what is best for you and that he or she will ultimately love the positive changes in you.

Know that in all likelihood, as you start to take risks and grow, you are going to get resistance from people in your life. It's a given. It is their way of defending their security. What is important is that you know what is happening. It will also help if you acknowledge others when they are supporting you. Also, it will greatly help your understanding to know that one of the reasons we react so hostilly when others don't support us is our need for approval. Whenever we get upset at the comments of loved ones, it is a clue that we are still acting like a child. Guilt is another clue. Guilt and hostility often mask our anger at ourselves and others for our not being able to break unhealthy ties with loved one. For example being able to say; "I love you but I have to live my own life". The less you need some one's approval, the more you are able to love them.

If You Think You Can, You Can

One of the biggest fears that keep us from moving ahead with our lives is our difficulty in making decisions. The irony, of course, is that by not choosing, we are choosing - to starve. We are choosing to deprive ourselves of what makes life a delicious feast.


The problem is that we have been taught "Be careful! You might make the wrong decision. A wrong decision! Oh no! What will that deprive me of? Closely tied to this is our panic over making mistakes. For some reason we feel we should be perfect, and forget that we learn through our mistakes. Yet, when we become uncomfortable, that is when we're growing.

I have a saying posted in my home about worrying that states, "Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." There really is nothing to lose, only something to gain, whatever the choices you make or actions you take in life. All you have to do to change your world is change the way you think about it. You can actually shift your thinking in such a way as to make a wrong decision or mistake impossibility. It's not an obstacle, it's a learning experience. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this so that the next time it won't happen." There are opportunities to experience life in a new way, to learn and grow, to find out who you are and who you would really like to be and what you would like to do in this life. Each path is strewn with opportunities -despite the outcome. Remember that underlying all our fears is a lack of trust in self. Say to yourself, "I can handle it."

Why is this Happening to me?

Isn't that what we say when something isn't going right? My horoscope said the other day that basically everything was going as it should and that I should not be surprised by this. Everything was happening for me instead of to me and if I really looked at my life, this is how it's always been. This got me to thinking about the wording of that sentence, for me instead of to me.

"For me" says this is for my benefit no matter what situation I may be in. It's something I need to learn so that I can move forward with my own personal growth. Also, by using the word "for" it makes it sound like a gift as in the universe is giving me this obstacle because it wants me to benefit from the ordeal.

It's all a matter of perception when an ordeal, situation, or obstacle is thrust upon you. How will you react to it? Get angry, cry, or blame someone else. What can you do to control it? You can only control your reaction to it. Therefore take it for what it is, a learning experience. You see, if you already learned from it, it wouldn't have happened. The question to ask yourself then is, "What can I learn from this? What can I take away from this experience to ensure that it doesn't happen again?
To ask why something is happening to you is to take the role of the victim and then you're headed down the road of dome and gloom and that's not a pretty place to go. No one likes to go there but somehow at times we find ourselves at the pity party. It's a boring party. The only other guests are just like you wallowing in their own despair. Get out while you can by taking ownership of your life by asking what you can learn from life's hurdles. Once you realize that by taking responsibility for your life's ups and downs, then you will become an empowered individual. It's all happening for your benefit.

The Four Questions That Will Change Your World

In the book, "Loving What Is ", by Byron Katie, she states that there are four questions that you need to ask yourself the next time you get mad, upset, and then judge someone. Actually it is good all the time. It’s like being your own coach. These questions help walk you through whatever situation you happen to be going through. The absolute thing you MUST do to make this work is to be HONEST. You MUST be TOTALLY HONEST with yourself.

Think of a situation or issue involving another person that is happening to you right now and ask yourself these questions.

1) Is it true?

2) Can you ABSOLUTELY know that it's true?

3) How do you react when you think that thought?

4) Who would you be without the thought?

In the first question what typically is stated as the truth is actually assumed, presumed, or only half true and sometimes it is just some one's personal opinion.

The second question is a kicker because many times you may only know part of the story and then the rest of your opinion, viewpoint is filled with assumptions.

The third question has to do with how you feel when you think these thoughts. How many times have you found out some unpleasant information and then started to fill in the rest with the "what ifs" all the while having your emotions run higher and higher when in reality you know very little about the actual facts.

On the fourth question you ask yourself how you would feel if you didn't have that thought. What would your mood and emotions be like?

TURN IT AROUND

when you get done asking yourself, honestly, the questions you had about another person, then you turn it around and replace that person's name with your own. Yes, with your name. Is what you’re upset about really something that you're not doing or being? Are you all those things that you've just blamed onto someone else, most of the time it is? Another word for it is mirroring and sometimes we don't look too pretty.

You can go to www.yourtrueheartsdesire.com to view other books I recommend.