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Monday, November 24, 2014

What Condition is Your Condition in?

Ah...unconditional love. "Only a face a mother could love". I'm sure you've heard that one. What would it feel like to have unconditional love? Most mothers and fathers would fall into that category. But how do you get that kind of love outside of the parent/child relationship? The following is part of an article I found from Jack Zwissig that says it better than I could.

“Conditional love is not really love. When we love conditionally what we are really saying is "I will care about you ONLY if you do this, and if you don't, then I will withdraw my love". Some of our harshest conditions come from the times when people have withdrawn love from us. At those moments, we learned early because we hurt so deeply. Unfortunately, we often learn that we are unlovable. We tell ourselves, "I don't ever want to be hurt like that again. If love is conditional like that, I'll just do my best to live without it.” At those painful times, we tend to make decisions and form beliefs very quickly. Some of those beliefs can be very damaging. They create a survival game, a game of scarcity that disempowers our relationships. We tuck away those beliefs and to about our lives without realizing that those beliefs really control us. They manifest themselves when the time comes. Your heart wants to go for it but the brain is telling you you'll be rejected, hurt, or not worthy, etc.”

In contrast when someone loves unconditionally, they love another person even with their faults. Who doesn’t have faults anyway? They may not like the actions the person took but they still love the person. Take for example the mother who still loves the son who committed a horrendous criminal act and is in prison for it. That’s unconditional love.

There are those that once they are hurt, myself included, will resist or shy away from relationships that might hurt them again. Yet then again there are those who will jump right back into relationship full speed ahead as if nothing happened.

At our core we must love. It’s our nature. To resist this basic instinct is to resist being human and live life to its fullest. When a spouse dies it’s only natural for the surviving spouse to eventually move on, to seek out another to love. It doesn’t devalue the previous relationship but helps the survivor live again.  Sometimes a spouse is so hurt by the loss it’s hard to move on, believing no one else could compare and no one else will. Each person is unique and should be cherished for it.

I believe in relationships that some aspects are conditional while others are not. Only when put in a situation that will test it will you know for sure. Is your love unconditional or conditional? It all depends on the relationship.

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