How Do You Show Up?

What the heck does that mean? Show up. When you need to have a conversation about a possible unpleasant topic, are you already upset about the subject? Do you assume there may be a dispute about it or are you gearing up for a confrontation? How do you enter that conversation then? Are you scared, tense, angry, frustrated, or apprehensive about what may happen? Whatever you are thinking, that is how you will show up. It manifests itself in our language, gestures, and body language. You could be saying all the right words, in your mind, and yet the other person is taking offense or doesn't understand your viewpoint. In essence you are giving mixed signals. If you are expecting a confrontation, your language will indicate that in subtle ways by choosing certain words that heads off a possible disagreement with your viewpoint, all the while standing rigid, arms crossed, and speaking in a cordial and professional voice.

What do you do then? Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what is the goal here. Is it to get your way or is it to accomplish something. Once you have grasped what the ultimate goal is, then you can look at the conversation for what it is, a conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Imagine entering into the conversation without no assumptions, expectations, or judgments. It is what it is.

Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up. He meant physically being there but I think it could also be applied to how you're showing up in your interactions. The success of an interaction is based on how you show up for it. It’s also said that 90% of conflicts are due to your tone of voice while only 10% is for the conflict itself.

How you show up can make all the difference in the world on the outcome you receive. 

Violence is NEVER the answer

You always know when a person or group is losing an argument when they must resort first to yelling and name calling, second comes the pushing, and shoving until eventually it boils over into a full out act of violence. What happened? The people involved couldn’t control their emotions. That’s not a good example of maturity.

The Women’s March has such a convoluted and mish mash of mixed messages. It’s better to stay on point with a single message. Instead the media gave more attention to the swearing, vulgarity, and violence than the message the protesters wanted to convey.  In the process their message was a side item and made women look like the stereotypical unhinged emotional women on PMS.

Milo Yiannopaulos, I never heard of the guy until it was reported that protesters had blocked entrances and had become violent. Again, it was the violence and property damage that was reported instead of the protesters message. Thanks to them I now find myself watching Milo’s videos to find out what was so disturbing about him. I don’t think that was the protesters intention. I get it. You don’t like his message but was violence the answer? Was destruction of property, which is paid for with tax dollars which includes the protesters parents, the answer. I wonder how much tuition is going to go up now for future students because of their actions

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History has proven that Gandhi and MLK were more successful with their peaceful protests. Mother Teresa understood the Law of Attraction. She’d walk for peace but not to protest a war. Do you understand the difference? Where attention goes energy flows. By marching for peace, the attention is on peace versus for war. The Law of Attraction is very powerful that’s why some 10 religions have various versions of it.

There seems to be quite a few people who insist on resisting the new administration instead of trying to make it work. What are they making more important? I’d say they’re viewpoint and opinions are more important than solving the issues they claim are important to them. When you find yourself in a situation you’re unhappy about, in this case criticizing everything in this administration, you have only three courses of action; 1) Become part of the solution 2) Leave the situation 3) Put up with it. Notice violence isn’t part of the actions.

So why are people turning to violence instead of accepting reality and working within it? Good question. Personally, I don’t understand the logic in that. It’s as if they’ll stop at nothing to get their way. Is that really helping the country? Does that mean for four years all they’re going to do is resist? Where will our country be then, nowhere, because there is no negotiating with violence. They can work within it, which would help the country plus give them respect, or they can choose to resist. The choice is theirs. 

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

People will rise up to the expectations that you set for them.  Ask any good coach, manager or parent and they will tell you the very same thing. Sometimes athletes, employees and children can’t see the potential that lies within them but someone else can.  So the coach, manager or parent inspires and sometimes pushes the individual to aim higher, to be all that they can be.  Isn’t that what we’re here for, to be the best that we can be, to become better than the generation before us, to leave this place better than how we found it?

So what happened that a growing number of people think they’re entitled to government hand outs? What happened to honor, pride and self worth in working to provide for yourself and family? Remember when children were raised to become productive members of society, to give more - expect less, to have a sense of honor and integrity in what you do, to take responsibility for your actions, to strive to live up to your full potential and become a self-supporting adult, to ask what you can do for others not what others can do for you, where conning the system or any other entity was shunned, where being self supporting was respected and a badge of honor?

Oh! There are still people like that around however it’s become more acceptable to see what you can get away with than being a responsible adult. What’s in it for me has become more important than what’s best for mankind.

Now this didn’t just happen overnight.  It’s been brewing for quite some time.  The exact time frame is up for debate.  It was likely a combination of events and a mind shift that changed the core essence of what the US was founded on.

It happened slowing, bit by bit, whittling away a parent’s confidence that they needed to bow to the pressure of the so called professionals.  Parents feared they were damaging their children if they were too strict or disciplined them too harshly.  Worse yet, the children started hearing this type of thinking and used it as emotional blackmail to keep their parent’s from parenting. Some wise parents saw it for what it was while others bowed to their children’s threats and demands.  They were afraid they would lose their child’s love but instead they lost their respect.  Alas there went the best form of education, setting the example.  Let’s not forget that it’s the parents that have the greatest influence in a child’s life.

Now we have a growing number of our society that believes they should be taken care of.  Any slight discomfort is cause to blame someone or something else for their own lack of personal responsibility.  Hey! It’s easier to blame than actually doing what needs to be done. It’s a cop out.  In the long run the person looses out on building their self-esteem and growing as a person. They miss out on feeling good about themselves.

Teaching someone to be responsible is a never ending process. It takes patience and guidance to see it through but the rewards are well worth it. It not only benefits the individual but society as a whole.

My question is, with such a growing number of people believing they are entitled to hand outs, what happens when the number of responsible contributing members of society is outweighed by the entitlement society? Who will provide for what they believe they deserve?

It’s time to raise the expectations of all members of society, to stop asking what the country can do for you but what you can do for your country. 

Want a President Needs to Lead

Want a President Needs to Lead

What are you looking for in a President? First you need to decide what makes a good leader because that is what the President does, lead.  Some people are natural leaders. You see them at work, fund raisers or your family reunion.  They step up to the plate to take on a project. However you’ll notice something else too.  Some are natural leaders while others are doing it for the recognition or power.  What’s the difference?  The natural leader is the person people will follow even if they don’t have the title or have been given the responsibility.  They naturally know what to do.  They exude confidence, clarity and conviction. Oh and another thing, they make decisions that aren’t always popular but are followed because the people respect the person’s decision.

A good leader is a person who has the strength and courage to undertake large projects.  It’s the ability to weave universal principles with everyday life.  This person has the gift of power.  Yes the gift.  As much as power has a negative connotation it also has just as much a positive connotation.

The world needs the CEO, general, and the person of authority.  A leader claims and utilizes his gift of power for the overall goal of the enterprise he’s tasked with directing.  A true leader uses this personal power without dominance or intimidation.  He doesn’t necessarily make popular decisions because he’s making them with a higher purpose in mind. He leads because that’s his natural strength and people follow because they recognize and understand the clear direction they are to take to reach the desired outcome. He gets results.  For him not to lead would be like asking you or me not to breathe.  It’s what he does.

Along with the gift of being a natural leader there are also challenges to it which make the person go from being in the gift of it to being in the challenge of it.  When a person is consumed by the acquisition of wealth, order others around, is intimidating or dominating people then he is in the challenge of it and needs to get back into the gift of it.

So what does a leader look like?  Some of the most recent leaders that have exhibited both the gift and challenge of being in the gift of leadership are General George Patton, Donald Trump, Lee Iacocca and Margaret Thatcher.  If you study the history of how they became leaders and how they conducted themselves you’ll see the gift and challenge of being a great leader.   Each of them gained the experience with each new leadership role they encountered.  Each will go down in history as making a difference in their field.  And one other interesting note, they haven’t always been the most liked or popular at times but were/are respected.

You also have the gift of leadership and when you need it remember to claim it from a place of personal power and not through dominance or intimidation. 

(originally written in 2012)

Tune Out the Media Hype

Tune Out the Media Hype

They promote fear.  Take your pick they pretty much go by the flavor of the month.  Today its terrorists, tomorrow it’s the budget, and the next its immigration.  That’s not to say that all news is promoting fear.  I do want to know what’s happening with the budget and what the weather will be like.  However, there comes a point when a shift is made between reporting and speculating by bringing up all the possible scenarios on how it could possibly play out in a negative way. And that is the key, could.  It doesn’t mean that it will, it just means it could happen. And then you know what happens, people start talking about it in a negative way and the facts start to get fuzzy.  What is the truth and what is speculating?  As the character in the show Dragnet would say, “Just the facts.”

To get the Law of Attraction to work, you don’t want to give attention to the negative, only the positive but that’s not what is stressed in the media. Instead of focusing on all the money that will be made, the jobs that will be created and the prosperity that will follow, the focus in on debt, bad economy and high unemployment .  Then what do we get, more debt, more lack in economic growth and increased unemployment.

Great leaders know what to do and say to bring everyone’s attention to what we want, the positive not the negative. Great leaders keep the vision at the forefront of our consciousness and not necessarily on the details.

Where attention goes energy flows.  Think prosperity, visualize success, feel the rush.