Baby Love

Baby Love is Disguised as Self-Love

Babies are so easy to love even if they do keep you up at night and dirty their diapers several times a day.  Their miniature hands, feet, tummy and face are just too adorable to resist. They’re a mini you.

You find yourself thrilled with each new stage of development and going through great lengths just to get a little smile.  Who would have thought such a little bundle of sleepless nights could have so much power over you and yet bring you so much joy.

As she physically develops you start noticing which parent the features came from.  Even though you realize she’s going to end up with her daddy’s big nose you love her just the same.

You see the parts that came from you, the nicely shaped eyebrow, the long legs and even those ugly stubby toes of yours but you love her just the same.

And as the child grows you start to notice some aspects, talents, and personality traits of both parents.  Some you like and some you don’t but you love her just the same.

Isn’t it amazing haw you can love all those attributes, both physically and personality wise in your child but you have a hard time loving those same things in yourself?

Your child is a reflection of you and the other parent. Therefore, when you love your child even with all their ups and downs, in essence you love yourself.

Did you ever think of it that way before?

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

People will rise up to the expectations that you set for them.  Ask any good coach, manager or parent and they will tell you the very same thing. Sometimes athletes, employees and children can’t see the potential that lies within them but someone else can.  So the coach, manager or parent inspires and sometimes pushes the individual to aim higher, to be all that they can be.  Isn’t that what we’re here for, to be the best that we can be, to become better than the generation before us, to leave this place better than how we found it?

So what happened that a growing number of people think they’re entitled to government hand outs? What happened to honor, pride and self worth in working to provide for yourself and family? Remember when children were raised to become productive members of society, to give more - expect less, to have a sense of honor and integrity in what you do, to take responsibility for your actions, to strive to live up to your full potential and become a self-supporting adult, to ask what you can do for others not what others can do for you, where conning the system or any other entity was shunned, where being self supporting was respected and a badge of honor?

Oh! There are still people like that around however it’s become more acceptable to see what you can get away with than being a responsible adult. What’s in it for me has become more important than what’s best for mankind.

Now this didn’t just happen overnight.  It’s been brewing for quite some time.  The exact time frame is up for debate.  It was likely a combination of events and a mind shift that changed the core essence of what the US was founded on.

It happened slowing, bit by bit, whittling away a parent’s confidence that they needed to bow to the pressure of the so called professionals.  Parents feared they were damaging their children if they were too strict or disciplined them too harshly.  Worse yet, the children started hearing this type of thinking and used it as emotional blackmail to keep their parent’s from parenting. Some wise parents saw it for what it was while others bowed to their children’s threats and demands.  They were afraid they would lose their child’s love but instead they lost their respect.  Alas there went the best form of education, setting the example.  Let’s not forget that it’s the parents that have the greatest influence in a child’s life.

Now we have a growing number of our society that believes they should be taken care of.  Any slight discomfort is cause to blame someone or something else for their own lack of personal responsibility.  Hey! It’s easier to blame than actually doing what needs to be done. It’s a cop out.  In the long run the person looses out on building their self-esteem and growing as a person. They miss out on feeling good about themselves.

Teaching someone to be responsible is a never ending process. It takes patience and guidance to see it through but the rewards are well worth it. It not only benefits the individual but society as a whole.

My question is, with such a growing number of people believing they are entitled to hand outs, what happens when the number of responsible contributing members of society is outweighed by the entitlement society? Who will provide for what they believe they deserve?

It’s time to raise the expectations of all members of society, to stop asking what the country can do for you but what you can do for your country. 

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

People will rise up to the expectations that you set for them.  Ask any good coach, manager or parent and they will tell you the very same thing. Sometimes athletes, employees and children can’t see the potential that lies within them but someone else can.  So the coach, manager or parent inspires and sometimes pushes the individual to aim higher, to be all that they can be.  Isn’t that what we’re here for, to be the best that we can be, to become better than the generation before us, to leave this place better than how we found it?

So what happened that a growing number of people think they’re entitled to government hand outs? What happened to honor, pride and self worth in working to provide for yourself and family? Remember when children were raised to become productive members of society, to give more - expect less, to have a sense of honor and integrity in what you do, to take responsibility for your actions, to strive to live up to your full potential and become a self-supporting adult, to ask what you can do for others not what others can do for you, where conning the system or any other entity was shunned, where being self supporting was respected and a badge of honor?

Oh! There are still people like that around however it’s become more acceptable to see what you can get away with than being a responsible adult. What’s in it for me has become more important than what’s best for mankind.

Now this didn’t just happen overnight.  It’s been brewing for quite some time.  The exact time frame is up for debate.  It was likely a combination of events and a mind shift that changed the core essence of what the US was founded on.

It happened slowing, bit by bit, whittling away a parent’s confidence that they needed to bow to the pressure of the so called professionals.  Parents feared they were damaging their children if they were too strict or disciplined them too harshly.  Worse yet, the children started hearing this type of thinking and used it as emotional blackmail to keep their parent’s from parenting. Some wise parents saw it for what it was while others bowed to their children’s threats and demands.  They were afraid they would lose their child’s love but instead they lost their respect.  Alas there went the best form of education, setting the example.  Let’s not forget that it’s the parents that have the greatest influence in a child’s life.

Now we have a growing number of our society that believes they should be taken care of.  Any slight discomfort is cause to blame someone or something else for their own lack of personal responsibility.  Hey! It’s easier to blame than actually doing what needs to be done. It’s a cop out.  In the long run the person looses out on building their self-esteem and growing as a person. They miss out on feeling good about themselves.

Teaching someone to be responsible is a never ending process. It takes patience and guidance to see it through but the rewards are well worth it. It not only benefits the individual but society as a whole.

My question is, with such a growing number of people believing they are entitled to hand outs, what happens when the number of responsible contributing members of society is outweighed by the entitlement society? Who will provide for what they believe they deserve?

It’s time to raise the expectations of all members of society, to stop asking what the country can do for you but what you can do for your country. 

Take a Little Piece of My Heart

Take a Little Piece of My Heart

That’s what it feels like when you dishonor yourself by being inauthentic.  A little piece of you dies because you chose to go with the crowd, to fit in, liked or accepted. That’s the price you just paid.

It’s not something tangible like money or even physically observed but something deep down happened to your self-esteem and respect when you chose to be inauthentic, to be who you really are just for the sake of being able to fit in.

It’s such a high price to pay and yet you won’t even realize how much until one day you wake up and wonder “Who am I? How did I, the real me, get lost in this game of life”.

I’ll tell you how it happened, slowly, bit by bit, with one fear after another until there are only traces of you left. Your truth is still hidden, afraid to be exposed which is quite understandable if you’re not quite sure about them or aren’t the type of person who can be diplomatic when disagreeing with others.  However, pretending to be, or hiding your true nature can cause all sorts of physical and emotional problems. 

One day you may explode and those around you will stand there in shock wondering what got into you. There must be something wrong with you if you can’t control yourself.  But who do you have to blame, no one but yourself because you let the fear of not being liked and accepted get in the way of being your authentic self?

What do you do now?  Well, you discover who the authentic self is within.  Day by day and bit by bit you meet those fears head on until your authentic self no longer feels the need to hide. In the end, you’ll find the people who are still in your life truly love and accept you for who you are.

You Should Never Grow Up

Why, because kids get it. They love themselves. You can’t love others unless you love yourself and kids instinctively know this but sadly something happens as they grow up.  It could be a well meaning adult who pops their bubble; a parent, teacher, friend or relative who puts their viewpoint ahead of the child’s enthusiasm and zest for life.   Instead of encouraging their outlook they counter with the glass is half empty scenario.  They mean well in that they don’t want the child to get hurt so they give them a reality check with maybe a hint of sarcasm or throw in a cut down which most likely dampens their dream.

Take the little girl who states she draws the best flowers. The adult may comment that it is nice but she could do better or comment that she’s being a bit arrogant which gives the child a different perspective and now it affects her outlook and self-esteem.  She’s just been given a reason NOT to love herself.  People may see her as too self absorbed and they won’t like her for it.  If this continues to happen with drawing or any other endeavor, she’ll begin to doubt herself and grow up squelching her self-love.  Of course this doesn’t happen overnight or with one event.  It keeps getting played out over and over in different situations until she doesn’t have a good grasp on what there is to love about her. Sadly it takes years, if at all, to reverse the damage that’s been done.

My daughter recently was looking in the mirror and commented on how she thought she had really big eyes and nice eyebrows.  She thought they were her best feature.  I saw her self-love for what God gave her shine through so I agreed, plus it’s the truth. 

I’m going to ask you to take a moment and think back to when you were a child. Was there anything that you really liked about yourself? You may have to go back quite a way if nothing immediately pops in your head.  Chances are its still true today.  That’s you loving yourself.  Remember that.

Too Much Structured Play is Ruining Our Children – Let Them Play

Talk to any parent and they can recall a time when they bought their child something but the child had more fun playing with the packaging than the toy. Or, the child could have made up a story regarding a set up of Tupperware, pots and pans, sand, blocks, you name it.  If there aren’t toys or games around give it time and your child will think up something to do.  It’s their imagination running wild.  Our brains are very creative and they can’t stay still for long.

Imagination is where dreams are created and realized. It all begins in the mind. First you have to have the thought to even begin to figure out how you’re going to make something happen, which brings me to structured play.  Structured play is well and good to teach our youngsters how to interact fairly with each other, however, in this effort to effectively socialize our youngsters, their active imagination gets squelched. There gets to be so many rules and regulation to follow that the children aren‘t given ample space to develop their imagination. It sometimes becomes a control issue for the adult population as if they constantly have to entertain their children.  That is nonsense.

It’s actually in the quiet self play when a child or an adult for that matter connects with who they really are. They begin to hear what their guides are telling them. They listen to the inner voice inside that tells them what advice or direction to take. 

It can happen to you to if you listen.  However, as an adult you can get so busy doing this or that you aren’t listening until something happens and you hear yourself say something like, “I knew I should have (blank) instead of (blank).” It’s when your thoughts start to wander that you’re starting to connect to your inner self.  Listen up.  Sometimes it happens when you’re doing the most mundane things like cleaning, driving or walking.  You’re mind isn’t actively engaged and therefore it’s free to wander when you’re doing a routine task.  This happens quite a lot for some people but then there are others who really want to connect so they meditate by focusing on their breathing. 

The point is when you set your mind free from active thought your imagination can really take off. Some of the best ideas come to you when you stop concentrating on what you want to create.  Children do this naturally but as we mature we tend to forget to just play. Let’s play.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create."

~ Albert Einstein