Excuses, Excuses, Excuses – ENOUGH already!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses – ENOUGH already!

Excuses keep you small. They keep you from having a fulfilling life, reaching your goals and ultimately achieving the happiness you so desperately deserve and crave.

Every excuse keeps you from becoming all you can be. It’s fear rearing its ugly head and stopping you in your tracks. It casts self-doubt in your abilities and knowledge. It really serves no purpose but to keep you staying small and comfortable in your current position.

Why! It’s easier to find an excuse than do what’s necessary to achieve your dreams. The problem is by not facing your excuse, thus fear, it can have a snowball effect.

If you don’t do your taxes on time because you know you might owe money you’ll end up owing even more money because you didn’t pay your taxes on time.

There is also a physical and emotional by product of making excuses. Deep down you know you should take action but the very prolonged in-action can cause anxiety, restlessness, depression and unexplained outbursts because you’re holding the disappointment of yourself inside. Fear exhibits itself in procrastination and indecision.

The best course of action is to confront the excuse and take action on it. Be it a job, weight, project or a relationship problem confront it by making a decision and taking action on it.

Another way to think about it is how would you feel if everything you’ve been meaning to do and be came true? How would that make you feel? How would you show up in the world?

Would you feel relaxed, free, like the weight of the world had been lifted off your shoulders? When you blame others as your excuse it gives them power over you. You’ve just given them the power to dictate your outcome whether you’re aware of it or not. You’re essentially saying that this agency, group of people, history and society is the cause of you not achieving your goals.  It keeps you from taking responsibility for your life and keeps you small.

You can remain small in your excuses or you can take control by taking responsibility for your own outcome. Only then will you truly be free. 

Mistakes, Missteps, Regrets – They’re Memories Made

Mistakes, Missteps, Regrets – They’re Memories Made

There is something out the ordinary about experiencing major setbacks and disappointments in your life. It’s as if when you’re not paying attention the Universe will put something directly in your path that you can’t avoid.  You must deal with it

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There are no coincidences so it must have been put there for a reason.  Some of the most time-consuming, annoying, and inconvenient setbacks have also been the most memorable because I learned something from them or because it allowed me to explore something new.

One of my most memorable setbacks was when I took a trip to California with my girlfriend. Our plan was to spend a week in San Francisco, hit the wine country, and on one of our last days to drive through Yosemite National Park on our way to Reno, spend a day there and then fly out the following day. It didn’t go as planned.

The drive into the heart of Yosemite takes two hours. When we got there we were just in awe of its beauty. The combination of trees, fresh water creeks and rock formations was breathtaking. It was then that I decided if I could live anywhere in the world, this would be it.

We walked and drove around the area but then needed to be on our way as the drive out of Yosemite also takes two hours and we had to make it to our hotel in Reno. I always did the planning of our trips and since we wanted to see as much as possible in two weeks our time frames were pretty tight. Part way out of Yosemite our rental car stalled on the mountain side. It took hours before anyone actually stopped to ask why two young women were parked along the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Sure vehicles went by but they were far and few between. By the time were heard them through the dense forest they had already gone by. Usually it was when a vehicle honked that we were aware there was another motorist on the road. Eventually someone going into the park stopped. They said they’d let someone know about us. A few hours later a tow truck came to bring us back to the main area.

We now had two problems. It was almost 10 PM when we arrived back at the main area and they wouldn’t be able to work on our vehicle until the next day. The second problem is we were stuck there and had no place to stay. The driver found us a cabin with community restroom facilities to use. Whew!

Since we hadn’t eaten since lunch we were starving so the driver took us to a grocery store. We had ten minutes to find what we wanted before it closed.

In a cabin with two beds and two dressers we had the time of our lives. In our haste to acquire food we neglected to get some utensils. There we were with a fully cooked chicken and no way to eat it but with our hands. We had chips, chicken and a cocktail to drown our mishap. We DID remember cups for the alcohol. We sat on our respective beds while trying to eat bare handed and laughing at how barbaric we must appear. We reminiscing and laughed like crazy. Eventually we decided to find the community restroom in total darkness. That was a challenge and a whole other story.

The next day our vehicle was fixed by noon and the tow truck driver asked how our night was. We told him we had so much fun. He then asked if we went to a certain lodge. “There’s a lodge with music!” No, we didn’t go there. Well then he figured we must have gone to another lodge. We were a bit embarrassed to say we didn’t know any of those places he mentioned and that we instead had a blast hanging out together in our cabin. He was a bit shocked.

We never got to see Reno. When I look back I don’t think Reno would have been as much fun as the time we just had.

In the end it taught me to slow down and enjoy the ride. The vacation wasn’t just about getting from one tourist attraction to another but to enjoy the scenery and the company I was with. Mission accomplished.

This is just one story I have about inconvenient setbacks that I’ve experienced. The one thing that stands out in all of them is that they may have been annoying and inconvenient but I always gained something out of it.

How about you? Are your setbacks really a mask for something else to happen in your life?

Love Equals Caring as much as Caring Equals Love

Love Equals Caring as much as Caring Equals Love

Let’s make a distinction about love. There’s the romantic love that is felt between two people, the love of your children, family and friends. But caring encompasses a broader sense of love in that it’s the love of all that is. It’s the love of life and everything we experience in it.

We show kindness and caring to one another through the simple act of opening a door for someone, asking how someone is doing and actually listening to their response, even cleaning up after yourself so that others won’t have to deal with your mess.  These are but a few of the everyday acts of caring that we demonstrate to one another. The capacity to care and be cared for is a human strength. It’s what connects us to one another.

When you don’t demonstrate care to others consistently, life loses its color and connection. You may end up feeling less engaged with those around you. If you’re not making a point to be caring of others in your life, the people around you don’t feel cared for, love, appreciated, respected or engaged by you at the heart level. When this happens they may contact you less frequently, trust you less, buy from you less, and leave you more. It’s an easy formula to figure out: care more, connect more.

Our drive for caring, in a broad sense, makes us feel that we are safe, worthy, and loved, through our own actions and the actions of others, we are cared for.  Caring is something you do and receive.

Of all the human drives, caring seems to get the least attention. Instead, caring’s sexier sister, Love, gets all the attention, despite the fact that it’s probably impossible to feel or demonstrate love without caring.  Plus you likely wouldn’t be kind if you didn’t care. Kindness, caring, love - as you can see they’re all connected.  

We’re all hardwired to demonstrate care for others. Our brains are remarkably well equipped biologically to relate to and care for others’ emotions and experiences. What that means is our brains are built to mimic that which we see and feel in others. It’s why when you walk into a room you pick up the energy of the room and your brain starts to mimic it whether it’s a sad or happy occasion. The more we experience that state and behavior the more we start to mimic it. So if we constantly see others behaving a certain way our brains will likely tell us to mimic that behavior. It’s a key reason why kids smoke when others smoke, why infants smile when their moms smile, and why so many of us yawn or feel impatient when someone else does. We feel what we see.

Caring is more than just a nice action. It’s the basis for our human existence and experience and the foundation that makes love possible. 

The Top 5 Ways to Know You are being True to Your Self

The Top 5 Ways to Know You are being True to Your Self

Do you sometimes feel irritable, angry, off, frustrated, agitated or out-of-sorts and have no explanation for it? Perhaps it’s because you’ve lost sight of what makes you come alive and are living someone else’s expectations of you instead of following your own voice.

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.” ~ Janis Joplin

To live in consistent alignment with whom you are, how you want to be perceived and what you want to become takes courage and self respect to stand grounded in your own space.

So how do you know if you’re being true to yourself? What does it look like? What does it feel like?

Here are the top 5 from my perspective.

1.   You stand and walk more confidently.

2.   Your are filled with positive energy

3.   You seem to have a skip in your step and a song in your heart

4.   Your thoughts and words are in sync with who you are. No disconnect

5.   You feel good about yourself as if you are finally whole and complete

If you are not in being true to yourself here are some suggestions on how to get there.

-Think more of yourself and demand that your actions be congruent with the best of who you know you can be.

and

-Act each day in congruence with your self-defined image so that you feel authentic, proud, complete, fulfilled and trustworthy to show up in every situation as the unique, gifted true you.

Remember your self-image is and always has been chosen by no one other than you.

Create the vision for which you can be and actually be that vision.

The power plant doesn’t have energy, it generate energy. Choose the color of your own sky.