Commitment – It’s Not Just a Piece of Paper

Commitment – It’s Not Just a Piece of Paper

There is something about vocally making a commitment, putting pen to paper and having witnesses that suddenly solidifies a commitment.  It’s as if it reached into the center of your being and makes you react with a sense of this is really important. Remember it. Don’t renege.

To the witnesses it gives the contract credibility but still there’s the physical words and signage that really gives it credence.  It not only brings it to the forefront of your conscious but gets embedded at the cellular level.

 

Commitment changes relationships. Your friends, neighbors, co-workers and even your in-laws come and go. Sure you may be uncomfortable with the change in the relationship but there was no commitment to fall back on.  They never indicated that they were going to be your friend forever. Besides, did you really lose a friend or did one of you decide to move on in order to grow? If that’s the case then that’s just a part of life.

How many times have you known or heard about a couple who have lived quite well together for several years only to get married and shortly thereafter get divorced? What changed the relationship, the commitment? It took on a new meaning, more importance.  A commitment has been made not only to another person but to yourself to uphold. Can you do it?

For some reason people think they’re getting married to appease religious beliefs, society or government.  Not true. Even in the Catholic religion, out of the seven sacraments, marriage is the only sacrament that is given from one person to another, the church only overseas it as a witness from God.  Therefore the commitment is between the man, women and God.  It’s really a private matter. If it’s not upheld you are breaking a promise not only to the other person but to yourself and sometimes those are the hardest to face, breaking a promise and thereby letting yourself down.

There are a few people who claim they won’t marry because it’s just a piece of paper, REALLY? The number one reason a person would say this is out of FEAR; fear of failure. If you don’t make a committed statement then you can’t fail.  Sure the person might go on and one about freedom from outside influences but really it comes down to fear.  It’s interesting to note that people have no problem signing contracts and commitments to do a job, make payments or such but to make a commitment to another person propels it to a whole new level. Suddenly excuses come up. 

To Serve With Love

To Serve With Love

The buzz word lately has been to go out and serve others and that our purpose for being here is to serve.  I don’t particularly like that train of thought but I couldn’t figure out why.  It sounds well and good to show your compassionate self but I just wasn’t having an overwhelming desire or feeling to do so and I couldn’t figure out why.  What’s wrong with me?

 

I understood that once you overcome a challenge you desire to share your experience with others to help them do the same.  I get that.  I found that I like the word help but not serve.  Perhaps it’s because it brings up a negative reaction which reminds me of servitude which can mean any of the following;

1.   The state of being a slave

2.   The state of being ruled or dominated by somebody or something.

3.   Work imposed as punishment

4.   Work for somebody

This means to me no joy or reward in return.  Of course when people say you’re here to serve others they’re not referring to it in this way but to assist somebody in a particular way.  You could say that parents do that all the time.  A mother serves dinner to her family and helps them with their homework. A father drives his son to soccer practice and teaches him how to ride a bike.  The big difference here is it’s out of love.  Sure a parent is required to provide food, clothing and shelter but everything else is optional like cell phones, designer jeans and the extracurricular activities.  And let’s not forget the real winners here like buying the juice you know your child likes, making his peanut butter and jelly sandwich just the way he likes it or washing her favorite pair of jeans ahead of time for an event. All these little things, and don’t kid yourself they’re big, are acts of love.  Parents serve their children out of love.

There’s a really good book called, The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman and one of the love languages is “acts of service”.  Basically its states that when you do for others it’s actually the way you express your love.  It really makes sense when you see how much extra a parent will do for their child. Of course “acts of service” doesn’t just show up in regards to children.  It will show up with anyone you care about in your life.  

Want a President Needs to Lead

Want a President Needs to Lead

What are you looking for in a President? First you need to decide what makes a good leader because that is what the President does, lead.  Some people are natural leaders. You see them at work, fund raisers or your family reunion.  They step up to the plate to take on a project. However you’ll notice something else too.  Some are natural leaders while others are doing it for the recognition or power.  What’s the difference?  The natural leader is the person people will follow even if they don’t have the title or have been given the responsibility.  They naturally know what to do.  They exude confidence, clarity and conviction. Oh and another thing, they make decisions that aren’t always popular but are followed because the people respect the person’s decision.

A good leader is a person who has the strength and courage to undertake large projects.  It’s the ability to weave universal principles with everyday life.  This person has the gift of power.  Yes the gift.  As much as power has a negative connotation it also has just as much a positive connotation.

The world needs the CEO, general, and the person of authority.  A leader claims and utilizes his gift of power for the overall goal of the enterprise he’s tasked with directing.  A true leader uses this personal power without dominance or intimidation.  He doesn’t necessarily make popular decisions because he’s making them with a higher purpose in mind. He leads because that’s his natural strength and people follow because they recognize and understand the clear direction they are to take to reach the desired outcome. He gets results.  For him not to lead would be like asking you or me not to breathe.  It’s what he does.

Along with the gift of being a natural leader there are also challenges to it which make the person go from being in the gift of it to being in the challenge of it.  When a person is consumed by the acquisition of wealth, order others around, is intimidating or dominating people then he is in the challenge of it and needs to get back into the gift of it.

So what does a leader look like?  Some of the most recent leaders that have exhibited both the gift and challenge of being in the gift of leadership are General George Patton, Donald Trump, Lee Iacocca and Margaret Thatcher.  If you study the history of how they became leaders and how they conducted themselves you’ll see the gift and challenge of being a great leader.   Each of them gained the experience with each new leadership role they encountered.  Each will go down in history as making a difference in their field.  And one other interesting note, they haven’t always been the most liked or popular at times but were/are respected.

You also have the gift of leadership and when you need it remember to claim it from a place of personal power and not through dominance or intimidation. 

(originally written in 2012)

Success Defined

Success Defined 

What does success mean for you? Does it mean being wealthy, a big house, jewelry, cars, lots of friends and parties to attend? That seems to be the American version of success but would all that make you happy?

That’s the big question because we’ve all heard about the celebrity, sports figure or CEO who by all accounts seems to have it all and yet the person succumbs to depression, drugs and even suicide. Why? Why would this person do such a thing to their self? Perhaps the person couldn’t emotionally handle the demands of his or her profession or was trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of who they are. Who knows?

The meaning of success is relative in that it all depends on an individual’s definition of what it is. In some cultures being able to provide for your family is success in another it might be how selfless you are in your daily encounters and deeds.

The best definition of success I’ve found is the following;

To laugh often and much

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends

To appreciate beauty

To find the best in others

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived

This is to have succeeded.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Notice it has nothing to do with material things or your status in your profession but more about how you’ve conducted yourself and treated others throughout your life, not just when things were good but particularly when things were bad. Amazingly none of the above criteria costs a dime. It’s what you and I already posses and if we don’t then we need to work on our self to achieve it. It’s possible.

When the above criteria are met we’ll have a sense of accomplishment in that we’ve lived our life well. The smiles come easier, the heartfelt joy exudes from our bodies and we can whole heartily grin and be happy because we did achieve our goal of being a success.