Mistakes, Missteps, Regrets – They’re Memories Made

Mistakes, Missteps, Regrets – They’re Memories Made

There is something out the ordinary about experiencing major setbacks and disappointments in your life. It’s as if when you’re not paying attention the Universe will put something directly in your path that you can’t avoid.  You must deal with it

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There are no coincidences so it must have been put there for a reason.  Some of the most time-consuming, annoying, and inconvenient setbacks have also been the most memorable because I learned something from them or because it allowed me to explore something new.

One of my most memorable setbacks was when I took a trip to California with my girlfriend. Our plan was to spend a week in San Francisco, hit the wine country, and on one of our last days to drive through Yosemite National Park on our way to Reno, spend a day there and then fly out the following day. It didn’t go as planned.

The drive into the heart of Yosemite takes two hours. When we got there we were just in awe of its beauty. The combination of trees, fresh water creeks and rock formations was breathtaking. It was then that I decided if I could live anywhere in the world, this would be it.

We walked and drove around the area but then needed to be on our way as the drive out of Yosemite also takes two hours and we had to make it to our hotel in Reno. I always did the planning of our trips and since we wanted to see as much as possible in two weeks our time frames were pretty tight. Part way out of Yosemite our rental car stalled on the mountain side. It took hours before anyone actually stopped to ask why two young women were parked along the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Sure vehicles went by but they were far and few between. By the time were heard them through the dense forest they had already gone by. Usually it was when a vehicle honked that we were aware there was another motorist on the road. Eventually someone going into the park stopped. They said they’d let someone know about us. A few hours later a tow truck came to bring us back to the main area.

We now had two problems. It was almost 10 PM when we arrived back at the main area and they wouldn’t be able to work on our vehicle until the next day. The second problem is we were stuck there and had no place to stay. The driver found us a cabin with community restroom facilities to use. Whew!

Since we hadn’t eaten since lunch we were starving so the driver took us to a grocery store. We had ten minutes to find what we wanted before it closed.

In a cabin with two beds and two dressers we had the time of our lives. In our haste to acquire food we neglected to get some utensils. There we were with a fully cooked chicken and no way to eat it but with our hands. We had chips, chicken and a cocktail to drown our mishap. We DID remember cups for the alcohol. We sat on our respective beds while trying to eat bare handed and laughing at how barbaric we must appear. We reminiscing and laughed like crazy. Eventually we decided to find the community restroom in total darkness. That was a challenge and a whole other story.

The next day our vehicle was fixed by noon and the tow truck driver asked how our night was. We told him we had so much fun. He then asked if we went to a certain lodge. “There’s a lodge with music!” No, we didn’t go there. Well then he figured we must have gone to another lodge. We were a bit embarrassed to say we didn’t know any of those places he mentioned and that we instead had a blast hanging out together in our cabin. He was a bit shocked.

We never got to see Reno. When I look back I don’t think Reno would have been as much fun as the time we just had.

In the end it taught me to slow down and enjoy the ride. The vacation wasn’t just about getting from one tourist attraction to another but to enjoy the scenery and the company I was with. Mission accomplished.

This is just one story I have about inconvenient setbacks that I’ve experienced. The one thing that stands out in all of them is that they may have been annoying and inconvenient but I always gained something out of it.

How about you? Are your setbacks really a mask for something else to happen in your life?

Who Told You Life was Supposed to be Fair?

Who Told You Life was Supposed to be Fair?

I don’t ever recall being told that and I don’t know where it came from. Realistically, is it even possible?

It’s not possible and I’ll tell you why. Everyone has their own version of what is fair.  The bulk of society could agree on what is the fair and equitable distribution of wealth, education and taxes but there will ALWAYS be the rest of the group who disagree.

Fairness is in the eye of the beholder.

Think for a moment if everything were fair. Everyone made the same amount of money regardless of the hours or value they contributed, received the same amount and type of education even though their talent and ambition were elsewhere, could only get a certain type of house with limited amenities and drove the same quality of vehicle. How boring life would be.

How hard would you work and strive for your goals knowing your increased effort would receive the same results as someone who didn’t put in any effort? How fair would that be? What would happen to a person’s drive and ambition? I don’t know. Maybe you could ask someone who’s from a communist country and ask them. I have. My 92 year old mother-in-law remembers it well and still curses that kind of life.

Life is unfair for a reason. It gives you something to strive for. It challenges you to become more than what you ever thought you could be. It makes you learn patience, humility, empathy, respect, hope, and love to name a few. It makes you grow as a race, religion, gender – as a person- and ultimately spiritually. That’s what being unfair is all about, growth.

Unfairness is disguised as a learning experience, take it for what it is and identify the challenge where you need to grow. It could be to learn how to stand up for yourself, how to accept others or even how to face your own beliefs.  Yep. Fairness isn’t necessarily out there but inside.

How Do You Show Up?

What the heck does that mean? Show up. When you need to have a conversation about a possible unpleasant topic, are you already upset about the subject? Do you assume there may be a dispute about it or are you gearing up for a confrontation? How do you enter that conversation then? Are you scared, tense, angry, frustrated, or apprehensive about what may happen? Whatever you are thinking, that is how you will show up. It manifests itself in our language, gestures, and body language. You could be saying all the right words, in your mind, and yet the other person is taking offense or doesn't understand your viewpoint. In essence you are giving mixed signals. If you are expecting a confrontation, your language will indicate that in subtle ways by choosing certain words that heads off a possible disagreement with your viewpoint, all the while standing rigid, arms crossed, and speaking in a cordial and professional voice.

What do you do then? Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what is the goal here. Is it to get your way or is it to accomplish something. Once you have grasped what the ultimate goal is, then you can look at the conversation for what it is, a conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Imagine entering into the conversation without no assumptions, expectations, or judgments. It is what it is.

Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up. He meant physically being there but I think it could also be applied to how you're showing up in your interactions. The success of an interaction is based on how you show up for it. It’s also said that 90% of conflicts are due to your tone of voice while only 10% is for the conflict itself.

How you show up can make all the difference in the world on the outcome you receive. 

Want to Have a Green Thumb?

Have you ever noticed that people who are talented at growing plants talk to them?  I always thought it was just coincidence until I made the connection between Professor Emoto’s Messages in Water and the amount of water in plants.  If you’ve never seen the video go now to view it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAvzsjcBtx8

The message basically states that positive words and music have a profound effect on water crystals by producing beautiful or not so pretty crystals based on the type of words taped to the container or music played nearby.  When you take into account that the earth is 70% water and so are humans then what kind of effect are the language and music you’re listening to having on your body?  What effect does the word “love” tattooed on someone’s body have versus “hate”?  His work indicates that positive language is much more powerful than negative.  

It’s no wonder that people who talk to their plants have much better results.  Plants after all are mostly water too.  When a person talks to their plants they’re saying good things like how beautiful it looks.

Yep, I think Professor Emoto’s work confirms what those in the know already know; a positive outlook has more energy behind it and therefore produces better results.  Another way to say it is “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” That’s something to think about the next time you want positive results. 

Guess all those wanna be gardeners out there better start doing some sweet talking if they want to see the fruits of their labor, me included. Oh and, mind language too. 

Need a Quick Pick Me Up?

When you need a quick pick me up when you’re feeling down remind yourself of all the compliments you’ve received over the years, you know the ones you brush off as nothing, these are your strong points, the ones that you’ve embodied to thoroughly they are just a part of who you are.  Your unique blend of strengths, missteps and view point is what makes you stand out. Embrace it.
Typically, someone or something reminded you of an attribute that isn’t your strong point and now you’re dwelling on that instead of acknowledging it and focusing on what are your strong points.  We all have areas that we’re strong in and other areas that we are not. No one is perfect. Don’t worry yourself silly over it.  It’s just a waste of time.

There are far too many influences in your life that can literally stop you from becoming who you were born to be.  Your well-meaning parents, colleagues and friends may have talked you out of what you wanted to do for fear you might be get hurt or not make enough money.  The list could go on and on.  I know I’ve done it myself.  At the time I thought I was looking out for my friend. I know now that it was what she wanted and I talked her out of having that experience. It won’t happen again.

Too often you can get caught up in the day to day activities of your life that you forget who you are and what you wanted.  The demands of earning a living and societies’ pressure can make you lose sight of what you initially wanted to do.  Some day you may even wake up and ask yourself “Why am I doing this.  Am I happy doing this? Is this bringing me joy? Am I out of whack with who I am? Does this really fit who I am?” Are you lost in the “doing” of life instead of the “being” of life? To “BE” is to be who you are in an authentic, in the moment way.  It’s a “Here I am take it or leave it attitude” A good question to ask yourself is if money, time and education weren’t a factor, what would you be doing now? When you’re young and contemplating what you want to be when you grow up you are actually closer to who you are then when you start factoring in the above criteria.


Who are you anyway?  What makes you stand out? What are the unique blend of talents and experiences that only you can offer? Figure out what that is and use it to your advantage. When you’re feeling down and losing confidence in yourself, pick yourself up by reminding yourself that you do have a unique blend of talents and you just need the right venue to express them. 

What is the Avatar Message?

If you listen closely to the movie you could to with any number of messages. Let’s see, there is the disregard and disrespect of another person’s way of life, how there are more important things than the possession of things, or your way isn’t always the right or best way.  There probably are more but the one I connected with and had the most impact was the message that they were all connected. The trees, animals, plant life and environment were all connected through the source and that source was Eywa.

Eywa to me is like Mother Nature here.  She is always in perfect harmony and that is what they said Eywa did – keep everything in balance, harmony.  But the interesting part is that they were physically connected.  In the movie they used colors and the cord receptors from the Na’vi natives to the animal to illustrate the point.  Through this connection the Na’vi could feel the animal and become one with it. Everything has a life force, not human, but still a life force.

This is interesting because here on earth everything has a life force too. Everything is energy but in a different form.  Energy never disappears, it just changes form.  It always exists. The molecular structure of a rock or wood has movement (energy) within it but at a very slow rate. The same goes for the chair you’re sitting on and the pen you hold in your hand.  Plant life also has molecular movement but it moves quite a bit faster.  The interior of a human being has an even faster energy movement and yet to the naked eye it appears as if all these things are motionless. 

It says in the Bible that we were formed from dust and from dust we shall return.  The same goes for all living things; animals, plant life, even water recycles.

How we here on earth are connected is evidence through the Butterfly Effect which basically states that even one butterfly can have an effect on our world even though it’s thousands of miles away.  You can read more about this effect by doing a search for Butterfly Effect on the internet.

We humans affect water. All you have to do look into the work of Masaru Emoto to know that our thoughts and language effects water at the molecular level as shown in the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know.  But you don’t have to watch the movie just to view the crystal images that were transformed through music and language; you can watch this video and see for yourself.

Messages in Water: 

What I think is interesting is since we are made up of 70% water, how is our language, the conversations we have and the music we listen to effecting our bodies? I also wonder what effect tattoos have on our bodies.

 

According to the Law of One we are all connected, from a single blade of grass to the animals, trees, water, moon, and sky. Not only are we all connected but what happens in LA affects the Middle East but our solar system and into the cosmic galaxies. We are one huge consciousness. That’s pretty wild, huh?

I’d like to know what you think after you watch the Messages in Water video.

What’s the Main Channel of Your River?

Nature provides the perfect example of how we should be.  For example, a river doesn’t have to work at being a river, it just is. When it comes to an obstacle it doesn’t try to force its way through it.  It finds the path of least resistance and goes around it.

Rivers have a channel in them where the water runs faster than the rest of the river.  Sure the whole river continues to flow but you’ll notice that the water along the banks runs slower while the main channel moves faster.  A river might also have outside channels that weave around islands.  As scenic as these may be they’re typically not up to the speed of the main channel.  What does this have to do with you?

You are also part of nature.  Like the river you don’t have to work hard at being you.  All you need to do is find your main channel and get into the flow of who you are.  How do you go about doing that?  By using what you’re naturally gifted at.  You don’t need to reinvent the wheel.  You already have what you need to succeed in your endeavor. Universal law states that “You can’t have a desire without the resources to fulfill that desire, presently” Isn’t that good to know?

If you’re going to work, work at what you’re naturally gifted at.  Don’t be a copy. Be an original.

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

People will rise up to the expectations that you set for them.  Ask any good coach, manager or parent and they will tell you the very same thing. Sometimes athletes, employees and children can’t see the potential that lies within them but someone else can.  So the coach, manager or parent inspires and sometimes pushes the individual to aim higher, to be all that they can be.  Isn’t that what we’re here for, to be the best that we can be, to become better than the generation before us, to leave this place better than how we found it?

So what happened that a growing number of people think they’re entitled to government hand outs? What happened to honor, pride and self worth in working to provide for yourself and family? Remember when children were raised to become productive members of society, to give more - expect less, to have a sense of honor and integrity in what you do, to take responsibility for your actions, to strive to live up to your full potential and become a self-supporting adult, to ask what you can do for others not what others can do for you, where conning the system or any other entity was shunned, where being self supporting was respected and a badge of honor?

Oh! There are still people like that around however it’s become more acceptable to see what you can get away with than being a responsible adult. What’s in it for me has become more important than what’s best for mankind.

Now this didn’t just happen overnight.  It’s been brewing for quite some time.  The exact time frame is up for debate.  It was likely a combination of events and a mind shift that changed the core essence of what the US was founded on.

It happened slowing, bit by bit, whittling away a parent’s confidence that they needed to bow to the pressure of the so called professionals.  Parents feared they were damaging their children if they were too strict or disciplined them too harshly.  Worse yet, the children started hearing this type of thinking and used it as emotional blackmail to keep their parent’s from parenting. Some wise parents saw it for what it was while others bowed to their children’s threats and demands.  They were afraid they would lose their child’s love but instead they lost their respect.  Alas there went the best form of education, setting the example.  Let’s not forget that it’s the parents that have the greatest influence in a child’s life.

Now we have a growing number of our society that believes they should be taken care of.  Any slight discomfort is cause to blame someone or something else for their own lack of personal responsibility.  Hey! It’s easier to blame than actually doing what needs to be done. It’s a cop out.  In the long run the person looses out on building their self-esteem and growing as a person. They miss out on feeling good about themselves.

Teaching someone to be responsible is a never ending process. It takes patience and guidance to see it through but the rewards are well worth it. It not only benefits the individual but society as a whole.

My question is, with such a growing number of people believing they are entitled to hand outs, what happens when the number of responsible contributing members of society is outweighed by the entitlement society? Who will provide for what they believe they deserve?

It’s time to raise the expectations of all members of society, to stop asking what the country can do for you but what you can do for your country. 

Please! Try and Keep Up

Please! Try and Keep Up

Try and keep up with where your true awesome self is trying to take you. Seriously, sometimes you can be your own worst enemy.  There are enough people out there trying to stop you from being your true self. You don’t need to buy into it.  It’s just their way of keeping you small so they can feel better about themselves.

Remember when you were young and had a dream.  It was a really big dream.  You could go on and on about it.  The more you talked about it the more grand it became.  Details started to emerge and then you’d add even more to this grand plan of yours. 

And then what happened?  I’ll tell you what happened.  Some well meaning adult likely shattered your dream by throwing their version of reality in front of you. They told you that it wasn’t possible or started asking you how you would go about making it happen thereby forcing you to see all the obstacles in the way. 

The Universe doesn’t work that way.  It takes care of the how.  You just have to think about what you want, believe that it will happen and bit by bit you’ll start taking steps to make it happen.  The Universe provides the tools and contacts for you.  What you have to do is take advantage of the opportunity placed before you. Oh, and it’s not always going to show up all peaches and cream without a hint of struggle.  Sometimes those struggles are what you need to go through to prepare you for the next step.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?  Can it be that easy?  You’ll never know unless you try.

So get busy and start dreaming big.  And for Pete’s sake, try and keep up with what the Universe keeps giving you. It’s for your own good.  

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

Are we Breeding Responsibility or Dependency?

People will rise up to the expectations that you set for them.  Ask any good coach, manager or parent and they will tell you the very same thing. Sometimes athletes, employees and children can’t see the potential that lies within them but someone else can.  So the coach, manager or parent inspires and sometimes pushes the individual to aim higher, to be all that they can be.  Isn’t that what we’re here for, to be the best that we can be, to become better than the generation before us, to leave this place better than how we found it?

So what happened that a growing number of people think they’re entitled to government hand outs? What happened to honor, pride and self worth in working to provide for yourself and family? Remember when children were raised to become productive members of society, to give more - expect less, to have a sense of honor and integrity in what you do, to take responsibility for your actions, to strive to live up to your full potential and become a self-supporting adult, to ask what you can do for others not what others can do for you, where conning the system or any other entity was shunned, where being self supporting was respected and a badge of honor?

Oh! There are still people like that around however it’s become more acceptable to see what you can get away with than being a responsible adult. What’s in it for me has become more important than what’s best for mankind.

Now this didn’t just happen overnight.  It’s been brewing for quite some time.  The exact time frame is up for debate.  It was likely a combination of events and a mind shift that changed the core essence of what the US was founded on.

It happened slowing, bit by bit, whittling away a parent’s confidence that they needed to bow to the pressure of the so called professionals.  Parents feared they were damaging their children if they were too strict or disciplined them too harshly.  Worse yet, the children started hearing this type of thinking and used it as emotional blackmail to keep their parent’s from parenting. Some wise parents saw it for what it was while others bowed to their children’s threats and demands.  They were afraid they would lose their child’s love but instead they lost their respect.  Alas there went the best form of education, setting the example.  Let’s not forget that it’s the parents that have the greatest influence in a child’s life.

Now we have a growing number of our society that believes they should be taken care of.  Any slight discomfort is cause to blame someone or something else for their own lack of personal responsibility.  Hey! It’s easier to blame than actually doing what needs to be done. It’s a cop out.  In the long run the person looses out on building their self-esteem and growing as a person. They miss out on feeling good about themselves.

Teaching someone to be responsible is a never ending process. It takes patience and guidance to see it through but the rewards are well worth it. It not only benefits the individual but society as a whole.

My question is, with such a growing number of people believing they are entitled to hand outs, what happens when the number of responsible contributing members of society is outweighed by the entitlement society? Who will provide for what they believe they deserve?

It’s time to raise the expectations of all members of society, to stop asking what the country can do for you but what you can do for your country. 

Do You Vote for WIIFM?

Do You Vote for WIIFM?

Sure you do.  We all do from time to time.  What is it? It’s taking a position on an issue that has been first filtered through your own social, economic, race, religion, gender etc and then basing your vote on what’s in it for me (WIIFM).

Let’s face it.  It’s very difficult to base a decision entirely on an objective point of view when the decision directly or indirectly affects you.  The emotions can be too strong to make an objective decision.  You would need to take yourself out of the picture and view the issue on a higher level with no regard to the outcome.  It means being totally objective and doing what’s best for the whole of society not just what’s good for you.  It’s looking at the issue from a broader perspective. 

However, I’d like to note that sometimes helping a few (companies, agencies etc) actually ends up helping out more of the masses in the long run than vice versa.  To understand which would be the better decision you would need to be well educated and informed in that area.  All too often it’s the loudest voice that is heard which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the viewpoint to base your decision on. You need to do your research and listen to all view points.  More important, you need to discern between the rhetoric, emotional positions and the facts in order to find the truth. It’s taking the emotion out of it and making a decision from an objective point of view no matter what affect it will personally have on you.

If you want our country and world to be a better place the love of it must be greater than what is in it for you.  What is the greater good? It comes down to what are you making more important?

In the Law of One you are either serving yourself or serving others. Which is it for you? Don’t get shook up about this we all go back and forth between the two. Sometimes the people who are helping others are just helping themselves by making themselves feel better about who they are, trying to look good, getting paid to do it, anticipating kudos for it or even just getting votes for it.  Another point to consider in the Law of One is whether your actions are violating another person’s free will. That’s a tough one too. Are all parties in agreement? For example, is the government violating their citizen’s free will when those who oppose Planned Parenthood are required to pay for it through taxes? My viewpoint is yes.

Most people want what’s best for their country but the conflict arises on what it’s to look like and even more on how to go about making that vision a reality. Currently there is no clear vision that the masses have bought into.  There is a great divide and therefore the country will have a difficult time moving forward until a vision is laid out that the masses can really rally behind.  Only then will the Law of Attraction take hold.

As a side note, there is only one law. All other laws are distortions of the Law of One. 

What I Like About My Face Book Friends

What I Like About My Face Book Friends

As a coach I get to know my clients on a very deep level.  They tell me their hopes and dreams, things they may not even tell their friends, all without fear of being judged. Their secrets are safe with me.  Of course my job is to get them to embrace their talents and encourage their dreams.  Face Book is like coaching in a way but instead of listening closely to what the other person is saying, you read what the other person is posting.

Face Book is great in that it gives us a somewhat safe environment in which to express ourselves. You post your daily events, a picture of you and your friends, quotes and viewpoints. We get to know what’s important to you. What are your interests and hobbies, even what teams you follow?  Each posting brings us closer together and reveals a little bit more of you.  It reminds me of a song from The King and I. Getting to know you, getting to know all about you, getting to like you, hoping that you like me.

We all get to know who you really are not the façade that you may present to the world. We get to know the true spirit behind the shell.  That’s not to say that you are normally a fake but that when we interact with others on a daily basis we don’t usually share what truly is important to us.  For example; how well do you know your coworkers? Do you REALLY know what is important to them and to what depth? When a friend on Face Book posts pictures, quotes or comments say on servicemen, a tragedy, or spiritual insights you really get a sense of who the person is even if you don’t agree with their viewpoint.

I’ll admit that there are Face Book friends that I don’t personally know but after following their posts I want to meet them.  I may even say that I really like this person.  In fact, there have been several occasions where eventually I have physically met a Face Book friend.  I feel as if I know them.  Yes, Face Book breaks down barriers.

There are millions of Face Book users worldwide but with each post it’s becoming a small world after all. Agree?

Take a Little Piece of My Heart

Take a Little Piece of My Heart

That’s what it feels like when you dishonor yourself by being inauthentic.  A little piece of you dies because you chose to go with the crowd, to fit in, liked or accepted. That’s the price you just paid.

It’s not something tangible like money or even physically observed but something deep down happened to your self-esteem and respect when you chose to be inauthentic, to be who you really are just for the sake of being able to fit in.

It’s such a high price to pay and yet you won’t even realize how much until one day you wake up and wonder “Who am I? How did I, the real me, get lost in this game of life”.

I’ll tell you how it happened, slowly, bit by bit, with one fear after another until there are only traces of you left. Your truth is still hidden, afraid to be exposed which is quite understandable if you’re not quite sure about them or aren’t the type of person who can be diplomatic when disagreeing with others.  However, pretending to be, or hiding your true nature can cause all sorts of physical and emotional problems. 

One day you may explode and those around you will stand there in shock wondering what got into you. There must be something wrong with you if you can’t control yourself.  But who do you have to blame, no one but yourself because you let the fear of not being liked and accepted get in the way of being your authentic self?

What do you do now?  Well, you discover who the authentic self is within.  Day by day and bit by bit you meet those fears head on until your authentic self no longer feels the need to hide. In the end, you’ll find the people who are still in your life truly love and accept you for who you are.

Turn That Music Down. I Can’t Hear Myself Think

Turn That Music Down. I Can’t Hear Myself Think

Did your parents ever say that to you?  Mine did.  I never understood what they were talking about back then but I do now.

What is it about a kid’s brain that they can take so much in at one time and still want more? Some kids insist that they need to have the TV on or be listening to music otherwise they can’t get their homework done.  Sometimes I think it’s because they need to keep one part of their brain occupied so they can concentrate on the task at hand.  Their brain is like a sponge therefore they have this enormous capacity to take in information without being consciously aware of it.  We all have this capacity but it’s much greater when we’re younger.

So what happens as we age?  I believe we still have this capacity and desire to take in information however as we age we’re not looking “out there” for the answers so much as we’re trying to connect with our higher self.  Instead of looking for an answer “out there” we trust our own instincts either through experience or knowingness that has served us well in the past.

I’m sure there have been times when you’ve been in your vehicle where either the traffic or weather got so bad that the first thing you reached for is to turn off any noise around you.  You turn off the radio, let go of the phone or tell the occupants to be quiet so you can think.  Perhaps what you’re really saying is that you need it quiet so that you can listen to your inner guide.  It’s saying ‘I know what to do but I can’t hear it with all this commotion going on’.

This is an example of listening to your inner voice.  The great thing is that it’s always there for you.  You just need to give it a platform to be heard. So yeah, I do say, “Turn that music down. I can’t hear myself think” and it’s okay if you do it too. 

You Don’t Need Everyone Who Comes into Your Life

You Don’t Need Everyone Who Comes into Your Life

It seems people think the people who come into their lives are permanent fixtures, not so. Sometimes certain people are in your life for you to learn something like how to stand up for yourself, how to forgive or to teach you to move onto your next lesson but it doesn’t mean they stay forever. You CAN let them go.

For example you likely don’t hang around the people you did when you were in elementary, high school, college or even from a previous job. You probably still like your former classmates and coworkers but there’s an understanding that each of us grows into who we are and thereby need to move on. Life continues to give you opportunities to grow and you need to take them.

People generally understand this unwritten social fact of life but it seems when we get involved in our relationships we can tend to hang onto a person longer than what is necessary. It could be a romantic relationship or a friendship that’s run its course but due to emotional attachment and the pain it would cause to dissolve it, we hang on. Now that doesn’t mean you don’t like, respect and love the person, it’s just they’re holding you back from being who you were born to be. In some cases it’s you holding on because you’re afraid to move on.

What are the signs that it’s time to move on? Actually it’s easier to ask yourself if the person brings value to your life.

The people you want to keep in your life are the ones who show up in actions and words to support you no matter where that will take you even if that means you moving away. If you find yourself in a one-way relationship it’s time to evaluate the significance of this person being in your life. Does the person bring value to your life? It doesn’t necessarily mean you permanently remove this person from your life but rather their statue of importance becomes an acquaintance rather than a close friend.

The bottom line is that you don’t need everyone who comes into your life. Trust your instinct on this one. It’s always right.

Nobody is Perfect

Nobody’s Perfect

Guess again.  Don’t strain yourself on this one because it’s not a “who” that’s perfect but a “what”.  What’s perfect, nature?

It may teeter a bit one way or another but it’s always striving to remain in perfect harmony.  It may not appear that way to us humans but nature has been doing fine long before we arrived.  All the natural resources that existed eons ago are still here. We can learn a lot from nature.

Species come and go naturally on their own without any interference from humans.  Some species evolve, adapt, and expand like the various types of big cats and bears while others disappear like the dinosaurs.  The same can be said for the various types of indigenous people and cultures that we now know existed.

We live in a world of constant change.  As a human race we can learn to adapt and evolve or we will also become extinct.  That’s not to say that we’ll all die but rather our cultures and way of life will no longer look the same tomorrow as it does today, but then nothing ever does stay the same does it?

Is that bad? No. Who’d want to stay the same anyway?  That’s boring.  It’s going to change with or without your cooperation so you might as well get over it and go with the flow.  Instead of viewing change as the enemy view it as an adventure with the attitude, “I wonder what life has in store for me today.”

The whole world is in chaos right now.  There are still some adjustments that need to be made before the pendulum can swing back and find its own harmony again. Out of chaos comes order.  Unfortunately, we are still in the chaos stage. Part of the reason is that change is being forced on people instead of letting it evolve naturally like nature.

Action Step:  If you look at our own life and compare it to one, three or five years ago, where are you on the pendulum swing?  Are you still swinging more to chaos or do you feel you’re on the back swing and you’re finally adjusting to a new order? Are you getting the swing of things? Pun intended. Take comfort that order is on the way and like nature we’re also striving for harmony.

I Confess - I’m a Junkie

I Confess - I’m a Junkie

I’m a feel good junkie. Guess what, so are you? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

You always want to feel good about yourself. You seek out activities that you’re already good in. If you’re not good at math you’re certainly not going to apply for a bookkeeping job or play hockey if you can’t skate.  No, you’re going to choose the job or activity that you’ve already had some success in and hopefully build on it.

Deep down what you’re looking for is to feel good about yourself.  Why take the chance of receiving a bad review from your boss or embarrassed because of your lack of skill on an ice rink? You consciously choose what you’re good at.  It’s as if your spirit has a safe guard mechanism to protect your self esteem.  Isn’t that sweet?

Even the language you use is part of this mechanism.  When you hear a put-down it’s indirectly a way for the person talking to feel better about him.  By drawing attention to another person’s fault it makes him look good.  In extreme cases the person may adopt a poor-poor pitiful me attitude which is like him screaming for some positive feedback.  Make me feel good.  Make me feel good.

If you really think about the underlying reason why you do what they do, it’s to feel good about yourself.  You’re a feel good junkie.

The Grass isn’t Greener on the Other Side

The Grass isn’t Greener on the Other Side

It only appears to be greener.  Your grass is already lush and full of vibrant color. You’re just not seeing it. What it really comes down to is perception and the underlying cause of that is comparison.

When you start comparing yourself to others your mind can play some real nifty tricks on you.  It puts thoughts in your head about other people’s material possessions, education and career choices compared to you.  Soon little things that you probably never gave much thought to start to creep into your mind and it becomes almost like a disease.  With each comparison your emotions begin to rise with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness where it didn’t exist before, all because you compared yourself to someone else.

The sad part is you did it to yourself.  Comparing yourself to others is like comparing different varieties of apples.  You can eat all of them but some are better for different reasons.  There are apples that are better for pies, baking and canning while others are straight up good to eat fresh.  But even within that category people have different tastes. Red Delicious apples are good to eat fresh as well as Fuju but the Fuju variety is a bit sweeter.  It’s all a matter of taste.

You are like a variety of apple.  You have your own unique flavor that people like for varying reason and they like you just the way you are.  Even though there are other people out there with some of the same skill sets, you bring your own unique flavor to the mix. Try to remember that next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else. Besides, if everyone were the same then some people aren’t needed. You’re an original, stay that way.

“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy” ~ John Mason

You are the Master Gardner of Your Soul

You are the Master Gardner of Your Soul

 

Think of your mind as a garden where you can intelligently cultivate it or allow it to run wild.  Whether you tend to it or not something will grow there.  If you don’t plant good seeds of thought, then a bunch of weeds will sprout up and like most weeds they can quickly turn a garden into a mess. Only with constant weeding and cultivating can the good seeds of thought continue to blossom until eventually there are more blossoms and fruit than weeds. 

 

The weeds will still creep in from time to time to disturb your beautiful garden (mind) but with practice you become aware of it much quicker and like a master gardener you are able to weed out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts and cultivate toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful and pure thoughts.

 

Why does this matter, because circumstances grow out of thought?  Every thought – seed sown or allowed to take root there produces its own blossoming sooner or later into action and bearing its own harvest of opportunity and circumstance.  You can be the master gardener of your thoughts and create your garden or let the weeds take root and see what happens. The choice is yours. You really do reap what you sow.

The Case Against Diversity

Yep I’m against diversity. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m fascinated by different cultures, heck, that’s what I found most interesting when I was in college learning about international business. The difference in cultures plays a huge part in how products are marketed from the taste, the color of the package and how business is conducted.

When I travel abroad I much rather travel on my own versus in a group setting because then I have the opportunity to discover, feel, hear and taste the culture I’m being exposed to. I can venture into the path less taken. Looking back I’d say I go into a bit of a trance as I try to absorb all the sights and sounds around me. I leave in wonder and appreciation for the experience that has expanded my world.

As odd as it may sound but I do tend to attract people from different countries into my world. A long time friend is originally from Mexico. I was in her wedding and she was in mine.  Through my husband and work I’ve become friends with people from Brazil, Ukraine and Romania. They certainly have enriched my life.

However with all those friendships and travels I’ve expenenced one thread always remained, the more I’ve discovered that in the end we are all more alike than different. We all want the same things; a health, happiness, good friends, a better life for our children and a love and appreciation for our Creator.

You see I’m against diversity for two reasons; 1) its unnatural and 2) it pulls people apart instead of bringing them together.

For example, when you first meet, run into or are around people you’re not familiar with do you start talking about how you’re different? No! You immediately try to develop a connection through some common interest such as sports, children or the situation you’ve found yourself in with the other person. When you’re at a wedding you might ask the other person how they know the bride or groom.  When you’re watching a sporting event you might ask the person what they think of a certain team or player. The most common ice breaker is to ask the other person what they do to earn a living. The bottom line is you’re always searching for some commonality in order to make a connection with the other person. It all starts with small talk.

It’s not until you’re comfortable with the other person do you bring up the differences and that can take some time. Through the 30 plus years of conversations with my Mexican friend I’ve found out things about the culture she grew up in. The information was revealed and then I’d ask inquiring questions. Rarely have I asked an outright question about her background. To tell the truth it really isn’t an important part of our friendship, although it is quite interesting when a tidbit of unknown information is offered.

For example, several years ago I invited a new friend to attend a convention with me. Afterwards as we were having a few drinks when she complimented me on how my skin looked and wanted to know what I did to keep it that way. That’s when she told me that Apache Indians (she was Apache) were very vain. She told me that people thought they painted their faces to look mean but it was really to protect their skin. Who knew? It was new information coming right from the source. She was obviously very comfortable with me or really wanted to know how I took care of my skin.

Yes, I’m against diversity. We as humans have so many things in common than we do differences that it is tearing us apart rather than bringing us together. In my mind there will always be a curiosity, enthusiasm and appreciation for what diversity brings to the table but the accent should be on what brings us together. When you’re focusing on differences it’s hard to make peace with a religion, race, gender or nationality particularly if you don’t agree with it. When we focus on our commonalities it brings a sense of community and togetherness that unites us in a bond of love and friendship.

I think that’s the Creator’s goal, to love the person inside and not be influenced by some shallow casing.

I think Madeleine Albright said it quite well.

“As world events reflect, we remain far from mastering the art of human relations. We have invented no technology that will guide us to the destinations that matter most.

After two world wars, the Holocaust, multiple genocides and countless conflicts, we must ask how long it will be before we are able to rise above the national, racial and gender distinctions that divide us and embrace the common humanity that binds us.

The answer depends not on the starts or some mysterious forces of history; it depends on the choices that you and I and all of us make.”