The Ultimate Goal

The Ultimate Goal

Is it a new house, fast car, great career, a healthy life, the love of family and friends, the respect of colleagues and the inner knowingness that you made a difference?

What if I told you it’s all of those things yet none of them?

You see the ultimate goal isn’t a person, place or thing. It’s a way of Being.

It’s such a simple word yet people will go to great lengths believing the ultimate goal is a person, place or thing only to find out that once the goal is achieved an emptiness take over and they’re off again looking for that three letter word.

It can be found anywhere if you take on a perspective of gratitude. When you are grateful for the growth you experienced with a set back as well as the happy positive experiences you’ve had you will have found the three letter word.  And what is this three letter word that everyone is seeking and yet keeps slipping away?

JOY – yep joy.

What you should be asking yourself when you go after that person, place or thing is “Will this bring me joy?”

You must ask yourself, “If I lose this person, place or thing will I still be joyful? Will I be joyful that I had this experience even if it doesn’t work out or doesn’t last?” Be in the moment with that person, place or thing. Grateful for the experience it has brought. And if and when it ends, be grateful for the experience because it let you live your life fully.

Choose to be joyful no matter what the outcome. 

Confessions are Good for the Soul.

Confessions are Good for the Soul.

You confess all the time to your friends, siblings, parents, coworkers and even strangers.  Any time you do something you feel guilty about or to right a wrong your conscious says “I must tell someone”. It could be that you took some supplies from your work or that you said something bad about someone. For some reason you feel compelled to tell a trusted friend. Why? It makes you feel better about yourself when you can clear your conscious.

You don’t need to go to a Pastor, Priest or Rabbi to confess so you can feel better, you can do it yourself. It’s not about receiving forgiveness from someone else but about forgiving yourself. For some, confessing to a spiritual leader is part of their religious practice. What the spiritual leader does is give you a formal format and suggestions to help you allow you to forgive yourself.

Forgiveness is about allowing you to love yourself again. It’s about erasing any labels you may have put upon yourself and being nonjudgmental about your thoughts and actions. 

Sin isn’t a very good word. It has such a negative emotion attached to it as if it’s eternal. It promotes fear and primarily stops you from loving yourself. And for some it controls them. That’s not a very good way to live.

I always wondered way criminals would eventually have to tell someone what they did or give themselves up. When you look at confessing from this mind set it makes sense. They need to confess to clear their conscious so that they can feel better about themselves so they can love again. It’s a pretty messed up way to love but spiritually they need to do it.   

What are your thoughts on this?

How Do You Show Up?

What the heck does that mean? Show up. When you need to have a conversation about a possible unpleasant topic, are you already upset about the subject? Do you assume there may be a dispute about it or are you gearing up for a confrontation? How do you enter that conversation then? Are you scared, tense, angry, frustrated, or apprehensive about what may happen? Whatever you are thinking, that is how you will show up. It manifests itself in our language, gestures, and body language. You could be saying all the right words, in your mind, and yet the other person is taking offense or doesn't understand your viewpoint. In essence you are giving mixed signals. If you are expecting a confrontation, your language will indicate that in subtle ways by choosing certain words that heads off a possible disagreement with your viewpoint, all the while standing rigid, arms crossed, and speaking in a cordial and professional voice.

What do you do then? Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what is the goal here. Is it to get your way or is it to accomplish something. Once you have grasped what the ultimate goal is, then you can look at the conversation for what it is, a conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Imagine entering into the conversation without no assumptions, expectations, or judgments. It is what it is.

Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up. He meant physically being there but I think it could also be applied to how you're showing up in your interactions. The success of an interaction is based on how you show up for it. It’s also said that 90% of conflicts are due to your tone of voice while only 10% is for the conflict itself.

How you show up can make all the difference in the world on the outcome you receive. 

Play a Victim - Stay a Victim

Victim is a term that seems to be used a lot these days and in my observation too freely.  Listen to the news and there doesn’t seem to be a class, race, sex or orientation that isn’t a victim

Granted there are experiences that people have that truly warrant the term. However, I bulk at the free use and ownership that some people cling to. They wear it like a badge.

Look at me. I’m a victim.

Feel sorry for me. I’m a victim.

Take care of me. I’m a victim.

Society owes me. I’m a victim.

When does this type of person stop becoming a victim?

They stop when they decide to take back their power and announce that their past, situation or experiences will no longer control or define who they are. That is when they take responsibility for how they feel. They forgive and move on. They no longer let an event, person or situation, past or present, control how they feel. That’s true power.

This scares a lot of people, to actually have the strength to let go and stand in total control of their emotions, to forget the past and move one.

You see, it’s much easier to stay in victimhood. It’s much easier to blame others for the results they’re experiencing instead of taking control. In fact, so much so, that all blame for a person’s failures is blamed on government, society, economy or other people, anything else but themselves.

What’s more irritating is when events never actually occurred for a person and yet they use it as a reason for them to be a victim too. What sense does that make?

Victimhood is a state of mind. You can let it define you or chalk it up to an isolated incident and move on. Take ownership of how you feel. Take a stand for integrity and when something bad happens have the wherewithal to realize it’s not you, it’s them.  

Want to Change the World?

Before you go out promoting change in areas you think need fixing, you need to take a good look at yourself.  The first step to making change isn’t “out there” it’s in the mirror that is where real change begins and also what becomes the model for others to emulate. It’s just like what Michael Jackson sang about in, “Man in the Mirror.”

I’m looking at the man in the mirror.

I’m asking if he’ll change his ways. 

And no message could have been any clearer.

If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change.

The lyrics say what’s been said my times before but in a different way. It’s similar to the phrases; “What comes around goes around” and “You reap what you sow” They’re said in different ways to capture the attention of different audiences.  Obviously the song Man in the Mirror captures the attention of our time while the others resonate with everyday life and those who are familiar with the Bible.  I guess we need to keep being reminded of it.

The fact of the matter is you can only control your reaction to whatever is happening around you.  Therefore, you have the power to create peace, kindness, love, hate, rudeness or war.  It’s your choice.  Choose your words and actions wisely for they have more power than you realize. They create your future.

Power is good when it’s used for a good intention. To be super powerful it has to come from a place of love.  History has proven that power from a place of fear like Dictatorship and Monarchy doesn’t last. In contrast, look at how effective Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King were in their peaceful methods for change. They came from a heart centered place to illicit change.  They were so powerful in their peaceful movements that others saw them as a threat.  They had the power of the people behind them and that made those in power fearful, so much so that they were assassinated and imprisoned.

What it comes down to is if you want peace, be peace.

If you want to see more kindness, be kind.

If you want more love in the world, show your love.

Look at the man/women in the mirror. If you don’t like what you see make the change.

Embrace the power you have to change the world. 

Resolution Revolution

How’s that resolution you made holding up so far, such noble intentions that somehow dwindle as time ticks on?  Let’s face it; it’s hard to hold yourself accountable unless you have an absolute, unshakable resolve to see it through to the end.

Of course you don’t need the beginning of a year to make a resolution but it makes a nice starting place.  Spring is also a good time for new starts as it aligns with nature’s new beginnings. But just like nature the seeds of birth didn’t start in spring, they were planted months earlier. You only physically get to see them in spring. They lay dormant in the ground hibernating waiting for just the right conditions to come to life.  It really is amazing when you think about it in the grand scheme of things.

People aren’t so different.  In the winter we may appear dormant but inside growth is occurring.  It’s a time of reflection, evaluation, goal setting and dream making.  Just like nature you plant seeds through the contacts you make, the education you receive and the goals you achieve.  Bit by bit those seeds grow into what you’ve created whether you’re conscious of what you planted or not. Key point here, create by design and not by default.

Losing weight, healthy eating and increased exercise are all high resolutions set at the beginning of the year but only a few will actually see it through.  The ones who plant and nurture the seeds of success will achieve their goal. They cleaned out their cupboard of unhealthy food, made a conscious choice to change the foods they consume, planned and stuck to an exercise routine that fits their lifestyle, sought the support of family and friends who will hold them accountable in achieving their goal and have a celebratory event for each identified milestone.  These are all seeds of success.

If you have a goal that you wish to attain you need to research what it would take to achieve that goal and then go about planting the seeds to achieve it.  It could be a class you need to take; contacts that you need to make or even conversations you need to have with key people. It’s not necessarily blasting out about what you desire but planting the seed of interest and then doing something about it that’s important. Bit by bit, month by month you’ll begin to see the fruits of your labor and before you know it, KA…ZAM you’re there.

Now get busy planting those seeds. 

Resolution Revolution

Resolution Revolution

How’s that resolution you made holding up so far, such noble intentions that somehow dwindle as time ticks on?  Let’s face it; it’s hard to hold yourself accountable unless you have an absolute, unshakable resolve to see it through to the end.

Of course, you don’t need the beginning of a year to make a resolution but it makes a nice starting place.  Spring is also a good time for new starts as it aligns with nature’s new beginnings. But just like nature the seeds of birth didn’t start in spring, they were planted months earlier. You only physically get to see them in spring. They lay dormant in the ground hibernating waiting for just the right conditions to come to life.  It is amazing when you think about it in the grand scheme of things.

People aren’t so different.  In the winter, we may appear dormant but inside growth is occurring.  It’s a time of reflection, evaluation, goal setting and dream making.  Just like nature you plant seeds through the contacts you make, the education you receive and the goals you achieve.  Bit by bit those seeds grow into what you’ve created whether you’re conscious of what you planted or not. Key point here, create by design and not by default.

Losing weight, healthy eating and increased exercise are all high resolutions set at the beginning of the year but only a few will see it through.  The ones who plant and nurture the seeds of success will achieve their goal. They cleaned out their cupboard of unhealthy food, made a conscious choice to change the foods they consume, plan and stick to an exercise routine that fits their lifestyle, sought the support of family and friends who will hold them accountable in achieving their goal and have a celebratory event for each identified milestone.  These are all seeds of success.

If you have a goal that you with to attain you need to research what it would take to achieve that goal and then go about planting the seeds to achieve it.  It could be a class you need to take; contacts that you need to make or even conversations you need to have with key people. It’s not necessarily blasting out about what you desire but planting the seed of interest and then doing something about it that’s important. Bit by bit, month by month you’ll begin to see the fruits of your labor and before you know it, KA…ZAM you’re there.

Now get busy planting those seeds.