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Monday, August 31, 2015

Hey! Where’s My Support?

How do you find a good support system? Well, you have to go out and create the kind of support system you want. Remember that people will be flattered by your interest in whatever you ask them. You will make them feel good just by asking or simply calling them. Pick someone you perceive as being a few steps ahead of you in personal growth. A good place to find such people is at self-improvement classes, workshops, or seminars.

What do I do when my mate is the one who is dragging me down? The thing to remember here is that the mate may look at this change as a personal rejection of him or her or that you will outgrow or find them unattractive as a mate. Communicating that you are still committed to the relationship and him/her and that you are seeking to become all that you can be is the key. The mate will have to make a decision as to whether they support you in that or not.

What we resist persists. Do you want to improve your life or not? Although the thought that your relationship could break down may be very frightening, in actuality I know of no one who has chosen the path of growth over his or her relationship who has regretted that choice.

Believe that your mate wants what is best for you and that he or she will ultimately love the positive changes in you.

Know that in all likelihood, as you start to take risks and grow, you are going to get resistance from people in your life. It's a given. It is their way of defending their security. What is important is that you know what is happening. It will also help if you acknowledge others when they are supporting you. Also, it will greatly help your understanding to know that one of the reasons we react so hostile when others don't support us is our need for approval. Whenever we get upset at the comments of loved ones, it is a clue that we are still acting like a child. Guilt is another clue. Guilt and hostility often mask our anger at ourselves and others for our not being able to break unhealthy ties with loved one. For example being able to say; "I love you but I have to live my own life". The less you need some one's approval, the more you are able to love them.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Living the Glory Days


Are you living in the glory days, the memories of when you did this or that and it was a great experience in your life? Or perhaps you’re always bringing up the “should have”, “could have”, if only your past had been different.  Are you blaming others for you present situation because you’re not happy with it?

There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about the good times as long as you don’t stay there. That’s the problem with both of these scenarios. Both are referring to the past one in a fond way and the other in a negative way. What’s good is that there is awareness about it. The problem is when you stay there.

As the Deli Lama says, there’s only place to be concerned about and the past isn’t one of them. The past is gone and there is nothing you can do about it. The future hasn’t arrived so there’s no sense in worrying about it. The only control you have is over the present. Now there is where things happen.

When you’re always thinking about the past that’s where your mind stays. Therefore it’s unable to make a better future. It’s what you do in the present that forms your future. If you want a new car start taking some kind of action on it today, do some research, ask friends, check out your money situation. You won’t be buying it today but you’ve already set the wheels in motion. Tomorrow or in a few days find out more information. Take some more action. Come up with a game plan to make it happen. Work the plan. Day by day you’ll be closer to your goal. Remember to stay focused on what you can do today. If you can’t do anything today then perhaps tomorrow or the next day you can take another action.

Living in the past isn’t going to get you anywhere only by living in the present moment can you affect change you wish to see in your life.

Monday, August 24, 2015

You Catch More Flies with Honey



You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

It’s true, a good example of this was provided in the movie “To Sir with Love.”  The High School class was a bunch of misfits who were disrespectful and condescending to themselves and others.  They believed that things happened to them, that they were the victim of circumstance.  They looked outside themselves for the cause of what state of life they were in.

However, a pivotal point in the movie occurred when their teacher, played by Sidney Poitier, took them on a field trip. The students had to look presentable and were tasked with simple instructions in human interaction like asking for directions or holding a door open for someone.  One by one each student would try this simple exercise, first using their current behavior and then trying it again but changing it up a bit. What they discovered was by making a little tweak in how they represented themselves in approach, disposition, language and facial expression made all the difference in the world in how others responded to them.

When they used their current behavior they got ignored or put down but when they were cordial and polite, people responded in kind. I’m a firm believer in the honey approach.  If you’re not getting the reception you’d like perhaps you need to use some honey.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Your Opinion is ALWAYS Right


Now doesn’t that make you feel good about yourself? Perhaps your self esteem just shot up but hold on a moment, everyone else is always right too.

How can that be? Isn’t there only one right answer?

Is it because you have the wisdom of the universe?

Is it because you’re a highly educated person?

Is it because your compassion for social and environmental issues transcends everyone else’s viewpoint?

Hardly! It’s not any of those.

It’s because your opinions are based on your social upbringing, economic situation, education, religion, race, gender, nationality and all the experiences you’re had. The choices you’ve made through life have gone through these filters whether you’re aware of them or not. There’s no way around it. You see life through these lenses, from this perspective.  Therefore, your opinions are formed through the lenses of your life. How could it be wrong then? It’s sifting all the information you have accumulated through these filters and then WA-LAH, your opinion is formed. In your mind it can’t be wrong. It’s understandable then why there can be disagreements about all kinds of issues with other people. Imagine everyone else is doing the same thing you’re doing, hearing and gathering the same information yet they come up with a different conclusion.

How is that possible? Now you know.

Be conscious of this scenario when you find yourself at odds with others. Everyone else has their own filters that information goes through. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it just means it’s different.

When I find myself at odds I’m always curious to find out how the person came up with a different conclusion. It usually comes down to the filters they’ve ran the information through while forming their opinion.

Bottom line - Give the other guy a break, his opinion is valid and right too from his perspective.

Monday, August 17, 2015

68 Seconds to an Awesome Life

Do you have 68 seconds to spare? Sure you do.  That’s all it takes to start creating the life you want. Sound too easy to be true doesn’t it?  It must be harder than that. Isn’t that what you’ve been taught?  If you want something you have to work hard to get it.  But what if it was easier than that? Wouldn’t you want to know what it is?

If you listen or follow life coaches and mind set gurus out there one of the primary goals that need to be achieved before you can get anywhere is to become REALLY clear on what you want. In other words, you need to get the Law of Attraction to work for you.  The universe doesn’t know what to send you if you keep sending mixed signals like changing your mind or wanting something but deep down believing it’s not possible.  You do it all the time.  I do it too.  But you can train yourself to change your mindset into believing it can come true. I’ll tell you how.

First off, your mind can’t tell the real from the imaginary.  Think of all the time you’ve been emotionally impacted (anxious, excited, sad, happy) watching a movie.  The events in the movie aren’t really happening but your thoughts about them being real are. That’s what brings about the emotion.  The mind is a magnificent thing.  Why not put it to good use then? Since the mind can’t distinguish the real from the imaginary why don’t you create the life you want in your mind and let the universe take care of the rest?

Here’s how it goes.   For 68 seconds write down how you want your life to be, not how it is.  List what kind of career you want, what will your home life be like, what kind of hobbies and events you will find yourself in and what will your average day feel like.  You can be as detailed as you like but remember you only have 68 seconds.  That’s all it takes to start shifting your mind from what’s happening now to what you want it to be.  This is how the Law of Attraction really works.  By writing down how you want it to be you become really clear and then the universe can do what it does best, manifest desires. Do this daily if need be.  If your day didn’t go the way you would have liked it to go, write down how you would like it to go tomorrow then. You’ve got 68 seconds. Ready, set, go!