Play a Victim - Stay a Victim

 

Victim is a term that seems to be used a lot these days and in my observation too freely.  Listen to the news and there doesn’t seem to be a class, race, sex or orientation that isn’t a victim

Granted there are experiences that people have that truly warrant the term. However, I bulk at the free use and ownership that some people cling to. They wear it like a badge.

 

Look at me. I’m a victim.

Feel sorry for me. I’m a victim.

Take care of me. I’m a victim.

Society owes me. I’m a victim.

 

When does this type of person stop becoming a victim?

They stop when they decide to take back their power and announce that their past, situation or experiences will no longer control or define who they are. That is when they take responsibility for how they feel. They forgive and move on. They no longer let an event, person or situation, past or present, control how they feel. That’s true power.

This scares a lot of people, to actually have the strength to let go and stand in total control of their emotions, to forget the past and move one.

You see, it’s much easier to stay in victimhood. It’s much easier to blame others for the results they’re experiencing instead of taking control. In fact, so much so, that all blame for a person’s failures is blamed on government, society, economy or other people, anything else but themselves.

What’s more irritating is when events never actually occurred for a person and yet they use it as a reason for them to be a victim too. What sense does that make?

Victimhood is a state of mind. You can let it define you or chalk it up to an isolated incident and move on. Take ownership of how you feel. Take a stand for integrity and when something bad happens have the wherewithal to realize it’s not you, it’s them.  

Let’s Dance

 

In relationships if a person gives 50% of themselves and then the other person gives 50%, what are you getting, Fifty percent? People think that if they give 50% and then the other person gives 50% they'll end up with 100%, but it doesn't work that way. You get what you give. What if you gave 100% of yourself and the other person gave 100%? Imagine the possibilities of a relationship working at 100%. Look at how much more you're getting. One hundred percent commitment to making it whatever you want to make it. Are you giving all of yourself or are you holding back. If you are holding back, what makes you hold back? Fear of being hurt, betrayed, used, or a lack of trust. What is it about the other person or relationship you can't count on?

A relationship is a dance. One leads and one follows and then the roles switch. The leader needs to look out for the other person, to direct them in such a way so no one is stepping on the other person's toes. On the other hand, the follower needs to trust that the leader is going to look out for them both, notice I said both, and guide them through the blind spots. When they are in sync even the slightest movement by the leader and the follower is right there. It is a dance. Are you in sync and if not, what can you do to make it so?

Let it Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow

 

"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit." - Emmanuel Teney

When you’re in your zone everything just flows effortlessly. What does it mean to be in the zone? It means that your talents, strengths and passion are perfectly aligned. You are in a situation or event that is utilizing every aspect of what you do best. You may look back at the event and say to yourself that it went by so fast but that it was actually quite easy. Why, because it was easy for you? You were in your zone. Every aspect that was needed from mental, physical and emotional challenges was met. It was a breeze. That is being in the zone. That is letting go and letting your true nature take over. By having faith and going with the flow of who you are in that moment great things can happen.

So let it flow. Have faith, let go and let the good times roll.

It is What it is

 

No emotion, just an event which is neutral. You bring the meaning to it. What that means is that the event doesn't care if you are happy, sad, angry, upset, content, or dissatisfied. It is what it is, an event. Whatever else that is brought to it, like the meaning and emotion, is what you brought to it. Take for example three people getting cut off in traffic by the same driver. Driver one is furious that such an idiot was given a license and lets him know it by shouting back and giving a few hand gestures. Driver two experiences the same thing and is upset because it almost caused an accident. He says to himself that that driver was rude and a danger to others. Driver three says to herself, "He must be in hurry to get somewhere." and shrugs it off that that is how some people are. They don't care about anyone else but themselves, same event but different reactions.

What makes one person upset while another person just shrugs it off. Mmm. It is what you make of it. The event only becomes an emotional outburst if you let it become one. NO ONE causes YOU to become angry or upset but yourself. If you do get upset, it is usually something else within you that is causing it to become something more than it is. When you do find yourself in a situation that is upsetting for you, check in with yourself, and ask yourself what is really going on here. Take out what you're feeling at the moment and form an objective view. Ask yourself, "What is the event here” because everything else after that is what you brought to it.

Don’t be Pigeon Holed

 

When I was a young girl I remember reading about communism and how at a very young age the children would be assessed to determine what field of study or sports they would be required to pursue.

I thought this was a pretty cool idea in that the government would help the people determine what they were naturally good at so that they could focus all their attention on it from then on.  There was no need to learn science if your natural talent was gymnastics and vice versa.

There it was, your whole life laid out for you and all you had to do was follow the plan. It sounded sweet to me because I really didn’t know what I wanted to do and also I didn’t want to take certain courses, who am I kidding, most of the required courses in school.  It sounds all and good except now that I’m older and wiser I have come to realize that there is much more to a person than just what they’re good at.

There are many things I’m good at but it doesn’t mean I want to focus on just that for the rest of my life. Some time what you’re good at is better suited to be your foundation building block or it could be the one thing that makes you stand out. Who knows?

When the communists focused on just the attributes of a person they completely neglected the drive interest and ambition of the person and to me those are the driving forces that make a person go from pretty good to great. They basically treated their citizens like machines. This part fits this machine and this part fits a different machine. It’s more efficient for our society so that’s what we’ll do. They bypassed the human aspect that makes our race evolve, the part that lets our creative forces expand.  I’m concerned because that’s basically the final outcome the proponents of Common Core wish to stress

I offer a better system which in cooperates both. Hence the person controls their own destiny by aligning their attributes with their heart’s desire (drive/ambition), the person gets to evolve and in the end they find the happiness they truly seek.

Be Careful – You Might Make the Wrong Choice

 

One of the biggest fears that keep us from moving ahead with our lives is our difficulty in making decisions. The irony, of course, is that by not choosing, we are choosing - to starve. We are choosing to deprive ourselves of what makes life a delicious feast.

The problem is that we have been taught "Be careful! You might make the wrong decision. A wrong decision! Oh no! What will that deprive me of? Closely tied to this is our panic over making mistakes. For some reason we feel we should be perfect, and forget that we learn through our mistakes. Yet, when we become uncomfortable, that is when we're growing.

I have a saying posted in my home about worrying that states, "Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." There really is nothing to lose, only something to gain, whatever the choices you make or actions you take in life. All you have to do to change your world is change the way you think about it. You can actually shift your thinking in such a way as to make a wrong decision or mistake impossibility. It's not an obstacle, it's a learning experience. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this so that the next time it won't happen." There are opportunities to experience life in a new way, to learn and grow, to find out who you are and who you would really like to be and what you would like to do in this life. Each path is strewn with opportunities -despite the outcome. Remember that underlying all your fears is a lack of trust in self. Say to yourself, "I can handle it." Eighty percent of what you worry about never happens anyway.

Extremism to the Rescue

 

I think not.  Extremism never works out. One side or the other always gets slighted. Plus, it doesn’t feel right, does it?

There seems to be a push pull effect going on in the world today, so much extremism. It’s either one way or the other, extreme right or extreme left. No leaning allowed. No tolerance allowed. No room for compromise. I’m right, you’re wrong. It’s my way or the highway. It’s like watching children fighting over a toy with each one refusing to budge. Seriously, sometimes I wish I could just slap their faces and tell them to grow up and start behaving themselves.

We have extreme liberals pushing for what they believe progresses society morally and economically while the extreme fundamentalists strive to maintain a morale code, limit government and follow the rule of law. What’s interesting about this whole scenario is that the vast majority of people fall in the middle yet you wouldn’t know that from the media coverage.

It appears as if the bulk of the populace is being ignored while the extreme fractions duke it out on the world stage and set policy for the masses. That’s not right. It feels wrong because it is wrong. The extreme end of anything is ALWAYS a smaller fraction of the whole and yet that seems to be what’s in control.

In all the controversy it’s made the masses choose a side.  Are you more of this extreme than the other extreme? Wake up.  Speak up. Take control. Don’t let these two opposite extremes control you any longer. It’s time for the masses to stop this nonsense and gain control again. There is power in numbers and the masses of people fall in the middle.  It’s when we unite together with our commonalities that we become strong.

The desire to be at peace with one another has to be stronger than the desire to exert your own agenda, viewpoint or position on someone else. What’s your choice?

How Do You Show Up?

 

What the heck does that mean? Show up. When you need to have a conversation about a possible unpleasant topic, are you already upset about the subject? Do you assume there may be a dispute about it or are you gearing up for a confrontation? How do you enter that conversation then? Are you scared, tense, angry, frustrated, or apprehensive about what may happen? Whatever you are thinking, that is how you will show up. It manifests itself in our language, gestures, and body language. You could be saying all the right words, in your mind, and yet the other person is taking offense or doesn't understand your viewpoint. In essence you are giving mixed signals. If you are expecting a confrontation, your language will indicate that in subtle ways by choosing certain words that heads off a possible disagreement with your viewpoint, all the while standing rigid, arms crossed, and speaking in a cordial and professional voice.

What do you do then? Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what is the goal here. Is it to get your way or is it to accomplish something. Once you have grasped what the ultimate goal is, then you can look at the conversation for what it is, a conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Imagine entering into the conversation without no assumptions, expectations, or judgments. It is what it is.

Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up. He meant physically being there but I think it could also be applied to how you're showing up in your interactions. The success of an interaction is based on how you show up for it. It’s also said that 90% of conflicts are due to your tone of voice while only 10% is for the conflict itself.

How you show up can make all the difference in the world on the outcome you receive.