Everything that you perceive is from the perspective of self: and if you are not selfish enough to insist on your connection or alignment with your wiser Inner Being (spirit) then you have nothing to offer to others. As the saying goes, you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can assist others. When your needs are met you have more to offer others. The same goes with how you view yourself.
By being selfish enough to care how you feel you can then utilize your Guidance System (emotions) to align with the powerful energy source within, and then anyone who is fortunate enough to be your object of attention benefits.
It’s important that you allow yourself to pay attention to what you want. There are those who call that selfishness, and they do so in a judging or disapproving way. But unless you have a healthy view of self, unless you are allowing yourself to want, and expecting to receive that which you want, you will never be deliberate in creating it and you will never have a very satisfying experience.
The not allowing of self is usually where the not allowing of others comes forth. Usually the one who is most disapproving of a quality in himself notices the same quality in others, and disapproves of it there as well. And so, the accepting, approving, appreciating and allowing of oneself is the first step in appreciating, approving, or allowing of others.
When you are in a state of allowing others to be who they are, you do not have negative emotions about it. The state of allowing is freedom from negativity; therefore, when you have set forth your deliberate intent to have something and you are feeling only positive emotion about it, then you are in the state of allowing it to be. And then you will have it. It sounds simple enough but it does take practice.